House of Cards
by Nerwen Aldarion
Summary: After Red John's death, Jane and Lisbon's reckless decisions led to even more pain and heartache. Now a year later Jane brings Lisbon back to California to help catch Red John's remaining followers intent on memorializing their dead master, as they both try and mend the wounds they caused. Jisbon
1. Make Your Own Pain

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N: After taking a beating with the last update to Poison and Wine I started writing this, call it therapy if you will. The story behind this fic is actually quite long. If you can believe it, I came up with this idea way back when I started Lavinia (over a year ago) and I'd written various parts of it off and on. I always intended to write it and post it but for some reason other things came up (The Best Mistake, Poison and Wine, Secluded in Red to name a few LOL) but I finally found this old fic, dusted it off and decided to see if it would work (That and my friend threatened to beat me if I didn't post it). I hope you guys enjoy it.

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House of Cards

Chapter 1: Make Your Own Pain

Teresa Lisbon was a far sight from what she used to be. She never thought she would be standing in front of a classroom at the Illinois Law Enforcement Academy lecturing people ten years younger than her. It felt more than a little strange to be doing this but she supposed it was something she would get used to. At any rate it was better than the alternative.

She did what she could to look like the instructor when she really wanted to be kicking down someone's door. "The manual says to follow your instincts, that you will be interacting with witnesses, other cops and lawyers," she began simply, "I'm here to tell you that it is wrong."

Lisbon ignored the raised eyebrows and continued. "In the new world of science and civilian relations, you won't just be working with other law enforcement. You might have to turn to anthropologists, entomologists, even civilians with special skills to help you with your cases."

"Like psychics?" One of the more rebellious officers offered and then snickered like a high school kid making trouble.

But she didn't flinch; at least she hoped she didn't. "Sure," Lisbon said evenly, "just don't expect to get your fortune read." There were a few good-natured chuckles that proved she was once more the one in control of this room. "Specialized doctors, archaeologists, even simple historians and collectors could have valuable insight into certain cases. You never know what twists will come and the evidence isn't always clear. To you a vase is just a vase but it could actually be motive if it costs twenty thousand dollars, you think you'll be able to recognize that with one glance?"

They looked a little iffy about her lecture but she pressed on. "And don't think that that because of all of this training it means you will see it all lay out like a puzzle. Cases don't work that way. You'll miss things, things that would be obvious to others."

She studied them and saw they all looked at least partially skeptically. "You don't believe me? That's all right, when I sat in those seats I wouldn't have believed me either."

Lisbon flipped to the next side and clicked to play the video. "Let's test your attention skills, count how many times the players in white pass the ball."

The video played and Lisbon smiled as she watched the officers with their eyes glued to the screen, some even moved their lips as they silently counted. Finally the video stopped and she turned to look at them. "All right, who counted fifteen?"

The majority of them raised their hands and she grinned. "Good very good, I'm impressed. Now how many of you saw the gorilla?"

Lisbon watched as they all slowly lowered their hands, looking at her and each other with bewildered expression. Finally the smart alec of the group said. "There was no gorilla!"

She grinned and started the video again. This time no one counted and sure enough a man in a gorilla suit lumbered across the screen, beat his chest and walked off. A few whispers followed as everyone felt a little stupid missing that. "Selective attention, tunnel vision, we all get caught on one tiny thing that we miss the big picture. That is why it is important to sometimes step back and let fresh eyes or another view point take a look…because we don't know what we are really missing."

One brave woman raised her hand and Lisbon nodded at her. "Does this happen to everybody? Not seeing the gorilla?"

Lisbon shook her head. "I had a friend who would have noticed it right away…but his mind was incredibly unique. He helped me solve hundreds of cases…and he wasn't a cop." She struggled immensely to hide her pain but she didn't know how much she succeeded. Not when she still lost her voice and wound up staring off, trapped in another time when she'd been happier and hadn't made quite so many mistakes.

That time was gone though.

She shook her head and turned back to her job. "But we should talk about how to accept help from outside law enforcement and how to manage it. Remember, this is still your case and you are still in charge."

Now she had their complete attention as she rambled on about negotiating with outside resources and the best way to have relations with civilian contractors and specialist. She knew none of them would ever have the same experience she did; after all there was only one Patrick Jane.

That meant they wouldn't make the same mistakes.

* * *

Lisbon's lunch break lasted another twenty minutes but she knew she was done with her sandwich already, she had done little more than pick at it but she hadn't had much of an appetite that day. Actually she hadn't had much of an appetite for the past six months but there was nothing she could do to solve that problem beyond somehow going back in time and stopping herself from making the biggest mistake of her life.

She toyed with one of the potato chips on her plate, crushing it into crumbs while her eyes remained focused on a young couple a few tables over. They had only just gotten their drinks and should have been focused on their menus but right now they were too busy giggling and kissing. From the shiny new rings on their left hands Lisbon guessed they were newlyweds and it was almost nauseating to see them so happy. A part of her wanted to hurl her plate at them. But she knew that they would learn soon enough, the shiny veneer of their marriage would rub off and all of that happiness would fizzle away. They would be miserable soon, no need to make it worse for them now.

"Small world isn't it?" Lisbon looked up to see Jack Harding, another instructor at the academy. They had spoken several times and he was pleasant enough.

"You mean running into each other at the deli across the street from the place we both work, yes I guess you are right," she said with a teasing smile.

He looked a little sheepish but that didn't dampen his intentions. "Is this seat taken or do you mind having company?"

She was caught off guard by that question. Sure she'd had meals with coworkers before but…it felt different this time. Still she shoved her insecurities aside. "No, it's fine."

"That's good," he said taking a seat, "because there are some questions I have been _dying_ to ask you."

"Uh oh," Lisbon smiled, "what am I getting myself into?"

Jack grinned, "Well it does seem like our classes are in direct opposition to each other."

That confused her. "How so?"

"I'm trying to get the recruits to listen to authority while you keep telling them stories about how to get around it."

That actually did make her laugh. Jack was the fitness instructor; he was the drill sergeant barking at the recruits to do another set of pushups. She was just the temporary lecturer with an emphasis on civilian relations. "Well, working with a consultant for a decade taught me that sometimes the rule book needs to be thrown out the window."

"Can't argue with facts I guess," He replied, "your record speaks for itself."

"Yes and so do the hundreds of complaints that litter my desk."

He nodded his head and smiled, then leaned forward with a look of determination. "Actually there is a rumor going around but I honestly find it hard to believe."

"Oh?"

"Word is out that _you_ were the head of the taskforce in California that finally nabbed Red John."

Her smile faltered at the name and it took a lot of strength to replace that façade with a small smile. "Well you know what they say about rumors…except this one happens to be true."

Jack's eyes lit up like an excited kid. "Wow! You were one of the agents that finally got him."

She nodded somberly. "He…uh died right in front of me."

"You're kidding!"

"Nope."

Now he leaned back to look at her shaking his head. "I just can't believe this, you're like a rock star or a super hero."

Lisbon laughed at that. "Oh that's not true."

"I'm serious. I mean I spent my life getting recruits to run ten miles while you were chasing down the psychopath that put Hannibal Lecter to shame."

She sighed. "Well when you spend your Saturday nights looking over old crime scene photos and waiting for the phone to ring with a new killing…teaching recruits how to do pushups seems like the better option."

Jack didn't say anything for a moment before stating. "Yeah, but I bet it felt good tackling a suspect when he tried to run."

She couldn't help but smile. "Alright, I'll admit to that."

They both shared a laugh before he dove right back into his hero worship. "But Red John, I mean, he was…is there a word that even describes him?"

"I can think of several," Lisbon replied, "But I still prefer 'monster'."

"No arguments here but I'm still trying to figure out how you catch someone like him. I heard he had eyes everywhere, followers high up in law enforcement, the FBI, that he was even playing a cat and mouse game with the CBI. Heck he even faked his own death. It must have been…"

"Frustrating," Lisbon interrupted him, "It was maddening to have to play a sick game with a serial killer. Especially when we didn't know all of the rules. He could get into the CBI and we had _no_ idea how, it was always like he was ten steps ahead of us and we were constantly playing catch up. And _I_ wasn't even his favorite playmate, I was just a blip on his radar, but he still loved to screw around with my team, you have no idea what it is like to feel helpless while someone else seems to be in control of everything."

She glanced up to see that Jack was staring at her with a mixture of awe and pain. She'd actually forgotten all about him somewhere in the middle of her rant about Red John. "I'm sorry," Lisbon told him, shaking her head with remorse. "It just get that way with him. Red John killed people I knew, hurt people I cared about…some very bad memories."

He was quiet for a while as the truth sank in. "How did you do it? How did you finally get him?"

She took in a deep breath and let it out. "Arrogance. That was his weakness and we found a way to use it."

"How?"

Lisbon smiled just a little. "You really want to hear this story?" He nodded his head and she brushed the crumbs off her hand before leaning back in her chair to begin.

"For years we had been playing his game, waiting for him to strike or trying to set traps based on getting in contact with him or trying to fool his followers. He always stayed a step ahead. Until we finally figured out a way to use his weakness…and it was so simple it was almost ridiculous."

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_One Year Ago_

_ Lisbon waited until the rest of the team had left before approaching Jane. He was in his normal spot, resting on his couch, eyes closed either in sleep or meditation. She hesitated for a while, unsure if she really wanted to disturb this peaceful setting. She knew how Jane got with Red John and the last thing she wanted to do was cause him more pain._

_ But she wasn't going to be able to let this go either._

_ "Jane?" she said softly but he didn't move so she tried again, "Jane?"_

_ This time he opened his eyes and gave her a sleepy smile which she had to admit was damn sexy too. "Lisbon, here to lecture me or to talk?"_

_ "Depends, did you do something that deserves a lecture?" The grin he gave her had her wondering if he was springing another surprise on her that she wasn't going to like. But she shook those thoughts aside. "Jane, there is something we should talk about."_

_ He looked intrigued by her words, he sat up and his expression grew serious. "What's wrong?"_

_ She still hesitated for a while, trying to decide where the best place to start would be. "Okay, I have these dreams about Red John sometimes. Usually it's the same. I'm on television and I say something…something that upsets him…and then I just know he's coming after me."_

_ "I know," Jane said simply. Of course he knew that she would have nightmares like that. "But it really isn't anything wrong, it's natural that you would have nightmares about something like this."_

_ "It's not the nightmares that I'm talking about," Lisbon explained, "I know it's coming from not being able to catch him and I've had this dream dozens of time but this time…this time something occurred to me." She made sure she had Jane's full attention now. "We never know where he is or what he will do…except for the few times someone has said the wrong thing, then we always knew who he would go after."_

_ She watched as Jane's expression changed slowly from interest to realization and then something akin to fear. His eyes grew dark and he shook his head. "No, no, Lisbon. You cannot do something like this."_

_ "But I'm right," Lisbon pointed out. "If I said something, he would go after me."_

_ "He'll never believe you would slip up, he'll know it's a trap."_

_ "Doesn't matter. His arrogance and ego will compel him to come after me. And _he_ will do it, not one of his followers; we'll know that it will actually be him. It'll work."_

_ "Yes it will work," Jane said standing up now, his voice was loud with anger. "But he will go after _you_! He will try to kill _you! _Don't you see? You'll be putting yourself right into his crosshairs and there is a very, _very_ good chance that he will succeed!"_

_ "I'm a cop, Jane. I know the risks and this is part of it."_

_ "I don't accept it."_

_ "You don't have to accept it. I don't need your permission, Jane. If we have a real chance of finally catching Red John without waiting for him to attack someone else then…then I'm going to do it."_

_ Jane shook his head again. "No."_

_ "You told me once that you were willing to sacrifice your own life to get to Red John."_

_ "Yes I did," Jane admitted, "but I'm not willing to sacrifice you."_

_ "This is my choice," she told him firmly, "and I'm going to take it."_

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"So you got the idea from a dream?" Jack asked, bringing Lisbon back to reality.

She nodded her head. "Yes."

"And you went on television and insulted Red John."

"Yes, I did," she replied and closed her eyes for a moment as she remembered the exact words she said. _"I think Red John is nothing more than a monster. He's destroyed so many lives…people I care about, all in his mistaken belief of bringing a better world. The truth is that he isn't all powerful, just a pathetic little man who cannot accept that he isn't really special at all."_

"What happened after that?"

She opened her eyes and turned her attention back to the man sitting across from her. "Well, I was under twenty-four hour protection for two weeks, we had people staked out outside of my home for a while, just waiting for Red John to show up."

"Which he did." Lisbon smiled and shook her head, which really surprised Jack. "He didn't?"

"Nope," Lisbon replied, "he never showed up at my home, in fact we didn't hear from him at all. After a couple of weeks we called off the protection detail because we decided that Red John must have seen through the ruse just like Jane predicted."

"Then how did you catch him?"

She was quiet, setting her lips into a firm line as she gathered the strength to continue this tale. "Jane was right, Red John knew this was a trap. But I was also right; he couldn't let this offense go. He simply waited for the right opportunity to strike against me."

"When?"

She almost smiled at his eagerness. "A few weeks after my TV appearance. I was at the CBI, it was late, nobody was around—."

"How did he attack you _inside_ the CBI?"

Lisbon shrugged. "I still don't know. But he found a way, he must have wanted to prove that none of us were safe, even the ones he loved to play with…"

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_Things had been strained between her and Jane after their talk in the bullpen a few weeks before. Beyond one last plea for her not to go through with her plan, Jane had barely spoken to her after that besides anything related to their current case. But she did catch him watching her every now and then with a painful look in his eyes. She could understand, he was afraid, afraid that she was going to be hurt by the madman who had already caused him immeasurable pain._

_ Lisbon was determined to fix this between them once and for all. Her plan hadn't worked; Red John hadn't come after her so in the end no real harm had been done. She decided to apologize to Jane for hurting him and hopefully get him to see her reasons for going against his wishes. Maybe things would be better between them after they hashed everything out._

_ The walk up to Jane's attic was quiet and somber. He wasn't on his couch which is why she assumed he was reflecting on his demons in his fortress of solitude. The attic was quiet too when she entered. "Jane?" she called out but received no reply, "Jane?" But his makeshift cot was empty and there was no sign of her consultant in the room. She was going to turn around to search for him elsewhere until she felt it, a chill running up her spine._

_ Then the cold blade of a knife was pressed up against her throat._

_ Her hand reached for the gun at her belt but the blade pressed into her skin, enough pressure for her to know that it would be so easy for her to die. "I would not reach for it, Agent Lisbon, I do not wish you to die just yet." The voice was muffled but soft and cultured, it made her stomach twist into a knot so tight she felt sick._

_ The intruder forced her to turn around roughly and she was face to face with him. She couldn't see his face at all; it was hidden by a grotesque mask and a dark hooded cloak. But Lisbon knew exactly who was behind it._

_ Red John._

_ It took every bit of her strength to keep from turning into a quivering mess. She still couldn't stop herself from shaking but at least she wasn't crying. She had been prepared to face him in her home…not like this._

_ "Ah, you are beginning to see the error you have made," Red John said, she could actually hear his smile. "Your false bravado on television was nothing more than a façade, a ruse to try and lure me into a trap. That was foolish, Agent Lisbon, you may be an excellent investigator but you are no where near my equal."_

_ "It…it worked," she whispered, "You're here. You came after me."_

_ "But where is your security? The rest of your team?" He actually laughed lightly then. "All you have done is cause more pain for the one person you were trying to help."_

_ "I was trying to stop you."_

_ "You were trying to save him, do not pretend that this was for anything other than a selfish desire to help the one you care about," Red John cut in. _

_ He pressed the flat of the blade against her cheek, letting her skin mold around it but still he did not cut. "And ultimately, what have you accomplished? Now you will be dead and his rage will only increase, I very much look forward to seeing what Jane will do when he finds you dead."_

_ "Why would you want to hurt him again?" She asked and immediately hated how pathetic she sounded._

_ "Oh no, Agent Lisbon, I'm afraid _you_ are the one who hurt him. You sealed your fate the second you slandered me."_

_ Rage flooded her system and it gave her the courage to spit in the devil's eye. "It's not slander when it's true, you are nothing but a pathetic piece of shit!"_

_ He reached around her head and pulled her hair back as hard as he could, forcing her to bare her neck to his knife. "You're tongue won't bite as much when I cut it out."_

_ Lisbon willed herself not to whimper, not to cower in fear as the blade seemed to come closer towards her. She was so focused on the knife that she almost didn't notice the sound of gunshots. She didn't know what had happened until Red John's grip slackened and he fell to the floor._

_ Then she saw Jane in the doorway with a pained expression in his eyes and a gun in his hand._

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"So you didn't actually kill him?" Jack asked.

Lisbon shook her head. "No, I was the one who was saved."

He took that bit of news in for a moment before asking the obvious. "Do you wish it had been you who did it?"

She could answer that question honestly. "No, I'm glad it was Jane. He lost his wife and daughter, he suffered for ten years, out of everyone, he deserved that chance the most."

Jack smiled. "It is a good ending. A man goes on a quest for revenge and finally brings down the man who did it."

Lisbon nodded numbly. "Just like something right out of Hollywood."

He sat back in his chair and studied her for a while; so long that Lisbon actually began to feel a little self-conscious. Finally he said, "It must have felt amazing. To finally catch him after all of those years."

"Amazing," she agreed, "incredible, unbelievable, yes that does about cover it."

"Did you do anything to celebrate?"

She furrowed her brow and smiled. "You mean like get a cake and pop some champagne?"

"Well…yeah?"

She couldn't help but laugh and she shook her head. "No, it…it wasn't something to celebrate like that. I mean, yeah it was great but…so many people were hurt and killed during that time. I think what we all felt was tired and relief mostly."

"You must have done something. Did you get drunk and go crazy?"

Lisbon looked away, her gaze off across the room but her mind was flying to a year ago when she was at that crossroads of knowing that a quest was over and everything would change. "When something like that happens, you take a good long look at your life and try to figure out how you got there and what you are going to do now. That kind of feeling is even more intoxicating than any kind of alcohol and it pushes you towards impulsive and reckless decisions that can come crashing down around you…and then you just find more pain to replace the wounds you had finally mended."

She looked up startled and realized she'd actually said all of that aloud. Jack was looking at her with a confused look on his face; the poor man really had no idea what was going on with her life. She preferred it that way; she didn't want to advertise her mistakes.

So Lisbon did what she could to save face. She glanced down at her watch, "I have to go, lunch break is almost up and I have a lecture soon."

"Yeah of course," Jack agreed standing up, "Listen, thanks for telling me your war stories. They really are amazing."

"Oh I wouldn't go that far," Lisbon said, blushing a little at the compliment. "I'll…uh see you later," she said before walking away. She was a little eager to get out of there. Jack might have been genuinely interested in her previous career path but what it had really done was dredge up some painful memories of her past. Mistakes that she would prefer to stay buried.

* * *

Lisbon did what she could to calm herself down after the unsettling lunch but the memories were too potent. It was why she found herself on her knees in the bathroom, heaving over the toilet to rid herself of what meager sustenance she'd had. It wasn't the first time she'd wound up like this, probably why she was ten pounds under her normal weight. That and her favorite meal was coffee at the moment.

Finally she stood up and made her way to the sink so she could wash her mouth our and splash some of the water onto her face. She looked far too pale and tired but that wasn't new either, six months out of the California sun had robbed her of what little color she'd had.

The bathroom door opened and Jackie Tanner came in and immediately pulled out a tube of lipstick. She was the pretty one at the Academy, the one who had perfect blonde hair, dark brown eyes and impeccable grooming. She had a rather vapid personality to go with her looks but she was mostly harmless, not that Lisbon was hung out with her much to know otherwise.

"Oh, hey, Teresa," Jackie said, pouting her lips to reapply her lipstick. "How are you doing?"

"I'm fine," Lisbon replied, wadding up a paper towel into a tight ball.

"I saw you with Jack at lunch," she said coyly, giving her a sly look, "nice choice."

Lisbon flinched. "It's not like that. He sat down and asked me a few questions about my job in California. That's all."

"For now…"

She gave the other woman a curious look; Lisbon knew when someone was trying to play a game. "Why are you saying it like that?"

Jackie popped her lips and put the tube away before looking smug. "I wasn't supposed to say anything but Jack was asking about you yesterday."

"What?"

"Not like a stalker, he just wanted to know more about you, what your story was and, of course, if you were single or not."

Lisbon froze; the pain was swift and strong. She hated it, hated the reminder of her relationship status. Worse than any facebook page, not that she was even on that site. "What did you tell him?" It was stupid, Jackie didn't know, no one here did.

"I told him that as far as I knew you were," Jackie eyed her, "you are aren't you?"

"Well…yes," Lisbon said, practically chocking on the word, "but I…I don't know."

"Oh come on, he's cute, single and really sweet. If I wasn't married I'd snatch him up."

Lisbon did flinch now; the word _married_ is what did it. "I'm just not here to date," Lisbon said simply, "I'm not even here permanently."

Jackie fluffed her hair and dismissed it. "You never know. Besides it doesn't have to be a relationship, you two could just have a good time together."

Yeah, that was what she needed. Casual sex with a coworker. That was what got her into this mess in the first place.

She shook her head. "I'm just not interested right now, I have too much going on."

But Jackie obviously didn't believe her. "Think about it, it can't hurt to go out with him once." She didn't stick around to get any more protests from Lisbon, just walked out of the bathroom with her face once more flawless.

Lisbon stared at the empty space for a while before she somehow stumbled out of the bathroom and made her way down the hallway to her small and temporary office. It was neat and sparse as opposed to the ones who worked full time but she did have a few papers littering the desk but no personal touches.

She sank down in the chair behind her desk like a sack of flour; she felt almost deadweight, as if she couldn't move at all. Words were drifting through her mind. "Married", "Red John", and "Mistakes". But the first one was the one that stuck with her the most.

So Jack wanted to ask her out. She should be flattered but all she felt was pain and guilt. She shouldn't be feeling that way, she had nothing to be guilty for…but she did. She didn't want to be here, didn't want to be having lunch with Jack and she really didn't want to be in Chicago teaching officers how to be cops…not when what she really wanted to was to _be_ a cop.

She finally cradled her head in her hands and let the tears fall, not the first tears she'd shed over the past six months, but not the gut wrenching sobs in that hospital either. These tears were quiet crooning of the very unhappy but there was no way she could fix it.

Some things were just too broken.

* * *

Somehow Lisbon managed to pick herself back up in the privacy of her office, no one knew she'd broken down and even better, no one knew why. She got through another short lecture, this one a smaller class that was on more specific scenarios involving using outside resources for casework. Then she got the phone call from the head administrator, the woman who had first contacted her six months ago about this job opening.

Lisbon made her way to the office with a little trepidation. She had a feeling she knew what this was about. The six months were rapidly drawing to a close, her sabbatical was going to be over with and no doubt there were a few phone calls to and from California about this situation.

She wasn't ready to go back. She wasn't sure if she would ever be.

Barbara Hennings was in her office finishing up a phone call when Lisbon politely knocked on her door. She waved her in and hung up the phone after a pleasant goodbye. "Teresa, thanks for coming. How are you?"

"I'm fine," she answered as honestly as she could. "Still settling in I suppose, I'm not used to being a teacher."

"From what I understand you have done a very admirable job, the officers are all talking about your classes positively."

Lisbon shrugged. "That might just be from the crazy stories I use as examples."

Barbara grinned. "You're also exactly the kind of person they are aspiring to be. A state agent with high solve rate, the one who caught more than one big fish in the day. Volker, Red John and so many others."

She eyed Barbara. "You didn't bring me here to talk about my track record."

"No, I asked you here to talk about your future."

Lisbon settled into her chair and braced herself for this. "I know my sabbatical is up in a few weeks."

"And you must be anxious to return to California," Barbara said slyly, "But I'm hoping that maybe I can change your mind."

That caught her interest. "What are you offering?"

"A permanent position as an instructor here, good salary, full benefits and more," Barbara explained, "I have friends at the FBI who have heard about your work here. They are interested in extending and offer to be a guest lecturer at Quantico once or twice a year."

"The FBI?"

"It's not just state police that are having to work outside of law enforcement, the FBI needs to learn how to work with civilian contractors just as much as anyone else," she explained. "You'll get a lot of good exposure, eventually you could probably write your own ticket. And you know that this will last longer than chasing down suspects, and it's easier on the personal life."

Lisbon sat still as Barbara continued, oblivious to the pain her good intentions were causing. "It's a lot easier to have a family when you aren't having to get up at three in the morning to go to another crime scene. You could settle down, get some actual sleep at night. Not have to worry about what monsters will haunt you at the end of each day."

She finally looked up and met Barbara's eyes. "It's a very interesting offer."

"But you aren't going to take it?"

"I didn't say that," Lisbon explained. A year ago she would have easily said "No, thanks" but right now she was desperate to avoid going back to California. No, she wasn't a big fan of being a teacher instead of a cop but it would mean not having to face the mistakes she had made ever again.

A fresh new start. That was appealing.

"I'll have to think about it," Lisbon said.

Barbara smiled, clearly believing that she'd hooked this fish in. "Take your time."

She left the office feeling a little out of sorts. She wasn't entirely sure what she was going to do with her life at the moment but at least she had options. She wouldn't have to go back, wouldn't have memories following her wherever she went. She could live in a place where no one knew what a complete fool she had been.

Why not take it?

* * *

Lisbon opened the door to her apartment and was greeted by the sound of silence. That was what she was used to. She didn't mind, the pang of loneliness no longer affected her; all she wanted to do was put on her sweatpants and enjoy a beer…or maybe some tequila. And that is what she did; her ratty grey sweats replaced her work attire and she found a small glass for her nightly drink. But a knock at the door stopped her before she could take out her drink.

She stifled a groan and shoved the glass away before heading towards the door. She wasn't at all surprised to see her brother James on the other side. One of her brothers almost always stopped by or called nowadays to check up on her. "Oh wow, I guess Will had a late meeting today?"

"What is that supposed to mean?" James asked as he stepped into the apartment.

"Gee I don't know? Maybe that you guys are constantly checking up on me?"

"We are not."

She rolled her eyes. "Tommy stopped by this weekend, you called me yesterday. Will's wife brought over a casserole and Annie even called me this morning and I know I heard Tommy in the background telling her what to say."

James actually looked shameful now. "We're not really that bad are we?"

"Yes you are," Lisbon replied and grabbed the previously discarded glass to put it back in the cabinet. "I've been here six months; I think the settling in period has passed."

But that didn't put her brother at ease. "The 'settling in period'? I thought this was supposed to be temporary?"

"It was, I mean it _is_," She corrected but not soon enough.

James didn't look at all happy by that slip of the tongue. "You said that you were just taking a leave of absence, that you would go back when the class at the academy here ended…which is next week."

"Well…" Lisbon sighed, "They offered me a permanent position."

"And you took it?"

"No, I said I'd think about it." Then she shrugged, "But why not? It's a good salary and benefits."

His mouth dropped open. "But you are a state agent. It's what you trained for! Not a teacher behind some desk."

"I'm _training_ people James, you know the same training you went through before you joined the CPD," Lisbon reminded him icily.

"But it's not what you wanted."

"Maybe I changed my mind."

James shook his head. "What about your team? You loved working with them. Are you just going to leave them now like this?"

That actually did make Lisbon pause and she closed her eyes to try and ignore the pain that welled up. She did miss her team. She missed a lot of other things too like the heat of California, the coffee from the rooftop café and the rush of finally solving a case. She missed all of those things.

But she couldn't go back.

"My team is fine. For one thing, they are all adults so they can take care of themselves." Lisbon replied, "Cho has been head of the unit before, they'll follow his lead and everything will be good."

"So that's it? You're going to move back here permanently?"

"Probably."

James nodded and was quiet for a moment, Lisbon turned around and pretending to be straightening things out in her cupboard. She thought that maybe the conversation was over but then James had one more card to play.

"What does your husband have to say about this?"

She froze like a puddle in winter.

How dare he bring that up? For six months her brothers had bent over backwards to avoid talking about her marital status, now James had done the unthinkable and slapped it in her face.

Screw it; she was going for the tequila.

Lisbon didn't look at her brother once as she pulled the amber bottle from the top of her cabinet. "I don't have a husband," she declared as she rummaged around for a glass.

If James was bothered by her choice of beverage he didn't show it, instead he seemed more surprised by her words. "You got a divorce?"

"I sent the papers last week," she explained and then downed the mouthful of tequila she'd poured. She turned around to see her brother looking at her as if she was insane. "What?"

"Don't you think this is a little rash?"

"Oh you've got to be _kidding _me!" She declared and slammed the glass down on the counter. "You said I rushed into a marriage—"

"You did rush into a marriage."

"—Now you are telling me that I'm rushing a divorce?" Lisbon continued, "I mean, what the hell?"

"I just think that you need to think things through, Teresa."

"What's there to think about? I made a huge mistake and it's over." She shrugged and took another drink.

James shook his head. "It's a bit more complicated then that, you are ending a marriage."

"I'm fixing a mistake."

"Are you sure this is what you want?" James asked.

Lisbon turned around to gape at him. "You want me to stay married to him? When I first told you about what happened you told me I had lost my mind."

"This isn't about me or my opinion on your choice of husband," James explained, "I just…I feel like maybe you haven't dealt with this." His voice was gentle and pleading now. "You moved out here without a word, you never talk to him, you never talk _about_ him…I'm just afraid that maybe you are trying to bury your pain."

Lisbon tossed back another drink. "You know the best way to end the pain…cut it off," she said dryly, "this is for the best."

"Is that what he thinks?"

She scoffed at her brother. "Trust me, he doesn't want to stay married any more than I do."

"You asked him?"

"Don't have to," she explained simply, "I already know." She looked down at the glass in her hand, running her thumb over the rim.

James was quiet for a moment before putting a hand on his sister's shoulder. "Teresa…" he began gently.

"I'll be fine, James," Lisbon told him before he could continue, "It's over and that's that. Time to start over right?"

He studied his sister for a long while before nodding his head. "Okay."

She didn't look at him as he walked towards the door, her gaze now settled on the wall to her left. "James," she called out, still not meeting his gaze, "thanks for stopping by." Her voice had a cool edge that she couldn't seem to shake anymore.

James didn't say anything but she heard the door shut softly behind him. Lisbon poured a liberal amount of tequila in the glass and after a slight hesitation, poured a little more in before gulping it down. Sometimes a little self-medication was absolutely necessary.

Her head was spinning soon enough; she wound up collapsed on her bed staring at the ceiling. In her hand she toyed with the one relic of her marriage she had been stupid enough to keep: her wedding ring.

That was all she had…that and the memories.

Visions swam before her alcohol glazed eyes. Bright lights of Las Vegas, her simple white dress, the bouquet of fake flowers crushed in her hands.

And the wedding night.

She tried to stifle the memories of soft laughter and passionate kisses. She remembered how she'd felt so blissfully happy. _"They'll think we're crazy,"_ she'd told him to which he'd just smiled. _"Then I never want to be sane again."_

A tear slid down her cheek but she didn't brush it away. They had been crazy…or maybe just fools. Fools to think that after everything that had happened that maybe they would finally get what they deserved. That thought really was crazy.

Lisbon tossed the ring across and room and rolled over to bury her face in her pillow, the cloud of alcohol making the room tilt.

Her marriage was over and that was the end of it.

* * *

A/N: So Lisbon is married...well who's the lucky husband? (hint, if you know me it really shouldn't be that difficult to figure out)

In the next chapter as Lisbon continues to struggle with her life she gets a surprise visit from her husband, the reason for it may not be what you assume hehehe.


	2. Drinking Away the Past

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

A/N: I'm happy with the response from those who decided to give this a chance. This actually is different from my other fics because I don't usually have a strong connection between Jane and Lisbon like this. I'll also make a firm point...this is NOT a baby fic. Let that sink in LOL I know, I'm surprising myself here. but you'll get the identity of Lisbon's husband in this chapter (Gosh, I have no idea who he could POSSIBLY be? LOL) and a bit over how this whole story is going to be set up.

**Anonymous Reviews:**

**Anonymous:** LOL yes I am evil. You'll have to see what Jane and Lisbon did, it takes two to make a marriage fall apart.

**Anonymous:** Thank you for your words, taking a short break from Poison and Wine to let my wounds heal but this one is pretty fun to use as therapy LOL

**Anonymous:** Of course! Here it is

**wickyvicky:** The hospital was a VERY good catch but you might be able to figure out what was the catalyst for their falling out in chapter 3. No, Lisbon was not throwing up because she was pregnant. The fact that she hasn't seen her husband in six months would make that pretty difficult LOL

**Anonymous:** My sister just finished writing some for Wages of Sin so hopefully that one will be updated soon. You'll get more Lisbon and James interaction in the next couple of chapters ;-)

**maru:** Muchas gracias para leyendo

* * *

Chapter 2: Drinking Away the Past

Lisbon woke up the next morning a little groggy with a big headache. She groaned as she rolled out of bed, still wearing her sweatpants from the night before. She sat down on the edge of her bed with her head in her hands, waiting for the room to stop spinning. It happened when she over imbibed a little, but she wasn't her dad, she didn't have a problem. Just sometimes she needed a little help forgetting.

Finally she sighed and lifted her head, it took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the light and then she saw the numbers on her alarm clock. After a beat she realized what the time was.

"Shit!" she exclaimed, jumping out of bed and ignoring the residual effects of her hangover.

She was going to be late.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Lisbon managed to snag a cup of coffee on her way to the office but was still twenty minutes late. At least she didn't have an early class today. So she simply kept her sunglasses on and avoided direct eye contact as she endured the walk of shame of the hungover. If anyone noticed they probably assumed she'd had a wild night

If a wild night included her drinking to try and forget the fact that her marriage had crashed and burned within a few months then yeah that was exactly what she'd done.

She groaned to herself when Jackie passed her by in the halls and of course she would notice the use of sunglasses in doors. "Hey Teresa, rough night?" She gave her a suggestive grin.

"Just really bright outside," Lisbon muttered lamely.

Jackie didn't buy that terrible excuse of course, Lisbon could already see her mind conjuring up flaming tequila shots and table dancing, forget the fact that she was too old to ever contemplate crazy tricks like that. Not that she did them when she was twenty-two either but that was another story.

She was only three doors away from her office when she saw Jack step out of the office at the end of the hall. Lisbon immediately took a hard left and ran into the ladies room, the one place Jack would never go.

Lisbon breathed in and out, feeling like a complete idiot from hiding from a guy like she was back in high school. But she still opened the door a crack to see if Jack had walked by yet. She saw he was still in sight; she quickly shut the door again and waited a little longer.

This was stupid. She hadn't done anything wrong, he hadn't even asked her out but she was feeling guilty because a guy _thought_ she was available…even if she technically was. Yes, her marriage was still legal but they were separated. She shouldn't feel any guilt at all.

So she had no idea why she was hiding.

The next time she peeked out the door Jack was nowhere to be found and she could finally relax and head to her office. Once inside she closed the door and sat down at her desk. The talk with James last night had reminded her that the divorce papers must have been delivered and she still hadn't heard back from her lawyer. Time to give him a call and find out what was going on.

Henry Peterson was Tommy's divorce lawyer during his very ugly split with his ex, Tommy had ended up with a fair settlement which is why Lisbon had decided to go with someone that she at lest could guess was reliable. She was embarrassed that she had to resort to a divorce lawyer but that was the price she paid for getting married on a whim and then letting it all blow up in her face.

It took a couple of rings before he picked up, as much as she had to pay him he better be answering is phone. "Henry Peterson."

"It's Teresa Lisbon," she responded.

"Ah, Teresa. How are things with you?"

She wanted to roll her eyes. Why would she want to chitchat with her divorce lawyer? "I'm fine. I just wanted to call to see how things are progressing?"

She could hear him sigh and the chair squeaked as if he was leaning back in it. "Well I got confirmation that the papers were delivered but you know this is going to be stalled until we actually receive the papers again with his signature."

"He's had a few days."

"Well he might need to look them over, and he is in another state."

"Yes I know," Lisbon muttered.

"This would be a lot easier if I could go through his lawyer."

Lisbon almost laughed then. "He doesn't like lawyers, thinks he can do a better job by himself."

"Sounds like you are speaking from experience."

This time she did smile, one of sadness and wistful pain. "You have no idea."

"Is he any good?"

"If I had anything he wanted I'd probably just give it to him now," Lisbon admitted, idly tapping a pen on her desk. It was the truth; thankfully she was certain she didn't have anything to fear there.

"Ah," Peterson said simply. "Well I don't see why he won't accept your terms right away. He's allowed to keep all of the assets you both acquired during your marriage, including the townhouse. The only thing you ask for is what you brought into the marriage yourself, I don't see why any judge wouldn't agree that you should. But I don't foresee us even having to get that far."

"But first he has to sign the papers."

"I'm certain I'll receive them any day now, Teresa. Just be patient."

Patience. Yeah, she'd never been very good with that. "You don't know him," Lisbon responded. She knew that it was possible that things could go very wrong.

"Well we will know when I hear back from him," Peterson replied, "until then my hands are tied."

"Of course," Lisbon sighed, shaking her head. "Well…let me know when you have some information. Thank you." She hung up with an angry grunt. "Jackass bastard," she mumbled. Lisbon hated lawyers and she liked this one even less…probably because she needed to get a damn divorce in the first place.

She looked down at her left hand…her bare left hand. She hadn't worn her wedding ring since she'd gotten off that plan at the O'Hare airport, still she kept it. She'd picked it up off the floor just that morning and put it back on the bedside table. Lisbon didn't quite know why she was so sentimental about it; the thing was only a reminder of her one shot at marriage crashing an burning spectacularly. Maybe she liked what it represented when it had first been slipped onto her finger.

That world had been full of promise and possibilities. Yes, wild and crazy possibilities but things she'd always wanted but never thought she would actually have. That woman had been deeply in love and hopeful about the future. She'd had no idea that everything would quickly fall apart. Of course that was her fault, but the marriage had been a foolish idea to begin with. Now it was over, time to move on and somehow pick her life back up.

But she really wished she could be that woman again…because she'd liked being her. She missed it. Missed being happy.

* * *

One side effect of her return to Chicago was the fact that she didn't have any excuses to avoid family get-togethers like she used to. So she dutifully packed up her things from the office she had refused to leave all day, and went off to try and enjoy another family dinner at James's house. She loved her brothers and their families, but it wasn't easy being the odd man out at these things, she was the only one without children and now would soon be joining Tommy as a divorcee.

Lisbon did what she could to put on a face that she was happy to be there and not at all feeling like the resident failure. Even Tommy's marriage had lasted a few years before it fell apart and he been blessed with Annabeth. She hadn't nearly been so lucky with nothing left from her marriage except bad memories and pain.

But her tight smile did much to hide this, she sat and listened to stories of Henry's soccer game, Mary's dance recital and whatever trouble Annabeth was currently causing now that she was quickly become a willful teenager. It took a bit and some of Emma's good wine for Lisbon to relax and actually start to enjoy herself a little. Maybe she was going to return to being the spinster aunt again but the noisy kids and cheerful conversation did a lot to make her at least forget her pain for a short while.

After dinner was over, the older kids rushed down to the game room to battle on whatever gaming device was their current obsession while the younger ones found Disney channel more to their liking. Lisbon stayed in the kitchen to help clean up as Emily and Pamela tried to cajole her into saying more than few words. She'd never been very talkative before she'd come back to Chicago, now that she was using their successfully personal lives as a measuring stick…and without her career to fall back on as proof that she wasn't a total loss.

"I want to put Mary in a private school once she goes into junior high but James is fighting it," Emily pointed out, "he thinks public school is good enough."

"That's only because he has too many bad memories involving nuns and rulers," Lisbon offered with a small smile.

That made James's wife laugh. "Well I hope she takes after me then and doesn't get into trouble."

Lisbon smirked a little as she thought back to growing up here with her brothers. Things had been a little different then. Before their mother died and their father tried to wash away the grief with alcohol, she'd actually felt like the normal kid. She'd wanted to please her parents and alternated between enjoying and trying to avoid her younger brothers. After mom's death things had changed, she'd had to become the mother over night and care for everyone including their dad. Between the drinking and beatings she'd stopped being a do-gooder and mostly focused on just trying to survive. Occasionally she'd done small things, she'd shoplifted some nail polish at the drug store or skipped class, small acts of rebellion to make her feel something other than sadness and weighted responsibility.

Greg had come into her life slowly and she'd accepted him. The guy who'd chosen her in high school and then when things with her dad had gotten progressively worse, asked her to marry him. She'd accepted because it was expected of her and she really wanted out of her father's house. Then that acceptance letter from California came, the college she'd sent her application out to on a distant hope. She didn't even hesitate; she gave Greg back the ring and left Chicago intent on never looking back.

That was the closest she'd ever gotten to settling down, the fact that she'd almost done it at the ripe old age of nineteen seemed proof that she'd made the right decision. The truth was that she had no regrets where Greg was concerned, he wasn't right for her and she'd really only been with him because he was an escape until she found out she could do it all on her own.

Since then that had been what her life was founded on. Self-dependence and for the most part she'd succeeded, climbing that ladder of law enforcement until Patrick Jane blew in like a hurricane destroying everything in its path. Unfortunately she'd been foolish enough to actually care about him. He was wounded, like her father, and she still had a soft spot for wanting to heal those wounds, maybe because she hadn't succeeded with her dad and she irrationally hoped she could here.

Not that she could classify that relationship as motherly, or even sisterly, she wasn't sure if there was a word to describe it. Maybe tumultuous or erratic. Other words could be used too: exciting, dangerous, loyal…and painful. Very, very painful.

Of course it was over now. Here she was back exactly where she started, her whole team including Jane was back in California because she had to flee the ruins of her failed marriage. The irony was not lost on Lisbon, she left Chicago for California to escape including ditching a fiancé, now she had fled back to Chicago to ditch a husband.

Apparently her life was on repeat.

"Teresa? Are you listening?"

She blinked up from the table she'd been wiping down; she hadn't actually heard a word that had been said. "What?"

Pamela smiled sweetly. "I was talking about a man I work with at the firm. I was wondering if you would like to meet him?"

Lisbon did what she could to hide her grimace. "I'm not really a big fan of lawyers. No offense."

"He's really sweet. No kids and just moved here. I could give him your number?"

She shook her head. "I'm really not ready to date yet."

"Are you sure? Paul is a great guy…"

"I'm sure he is," Lisbon said gently, "but my divorce isn't even final yet."

Pamela and Emily exchanged looks that left Lisbon wondering what the two women talked about when she wasn't around. But Pamela just gave her a sad smile. "All right, I understand."

The conversation left a bad taste in Lisbon's mouth. She knew her sisters-in-law were only trying to help and be supportive. They wanted her to be happy and if her soon to be ex-husband couldn't do that why shouldn't someone like Paul? Maybe because she was becoming very cynical about the very idea of happiness, after all she'd finally had everything she'd wanted only to have it all fall apart. There didn't seem a point to try it with someone else.

Lisbon made her way out of the kitchen and saw the younger kids still engrossed in TV as she sought out her missing brothers. She heard their hushed voices coming from the study and made the decision to listen for a moment before going in.

"No she just announced it yesterday, I had no idea she sent the papers. Did she say anything to you?"

"She doesn't say anything about this to anyone," Will pointed out, "just tries to pretend like nothing is wrong."

"I don't think she's even said his name since she came here," Tommy pointed out, "She's trying to act like it didn't happen."

"She's probably still grieving," Will offered, "It's not easy for a woman to get over something like that."

"I just don't think she's handling this right. I mean get a divorce, fine, I never liked him anyways but the fact that she's changing her entire life because of this makes me think she's just hiding her pain. She's drinking more…and that isn't a good thing," James said seriously.

"Maybe we should get her some help?"

Tommy's suggestion was the last straw, Lisbon pushed open the door and glared at all three of her brothers. "What the hell is this?"

For a second they blinked up at her like kids caught hiding under the porch. James was the first one to get over it. "Teresa, we were just talking."

"About me."

"We're worried about you."

"I'm _fine_," she insisted.

"No you aren't," Tommy told her, "You can't be."

Lisbon shook her head. "God I can't believe this. All three of you thought I had lost my mind when I got married and now you are sitting here trying to stop me from ending it?"

"We aren't saying that," Will responded.

James gave him a look. "We just think that maybe you are just reacting to your pain and aren't actually working through it."

"I'm moving on," she told him, "I'm getting a divorce, I'm packing up my life and getting a fresh start. Isn't that the healthy way to do it?"

"Not when you are trying to deny it ever happened."

"It was the biggest mistake of my life," Lisbon replied, "of course I want to pretend it didn't happen!"

"We get that," Tommy said carefully, "but you are leaving your team, your job…all because of him? We just think that is wrong."

"I just don't want to be there anymore. I can't sit there and work when everyone will be talking about what a complete idiot I was," she explained. "But I'm going to be okay. I've got this new job where I'm doing something good and I'm perfectly happy."

"You spend your nights alone pretending you don't have a drinking problem," James muttered.

Lisbon snapped. "What?"

"It's so obvious, you are worse than dad at hiding it."

"I am _not_ like dad!" She shouted.

"Not yet," James agreed, "but the more you try to deny that your marriage has hurt you the more you are starting to act like it."

Lisbon was caught up with the sudden urge to slap her brother. Of course that certainly would only add to the accusations that she was becoming like her father. "I don't have to listen to this," she declared. Opening the door and slamming it shut.

She didn't stick around to listen to her brother's protesting her leaving, just called a cap so she could get the hell out of there.

She wasn't turning into her father, she wasn't a lousy drunk that beat her kids rather than see them as a reason to go on living. She didn't have kids to hurt, a fact that she painfully remembered everyday.

She was fine…or she would be. Once her divorce was final and she could move on with her life. As if her marriage had never happened at all.

* * *

Lisbon took a cab home from her brother's house still irritated over their final conversation. She could understand why they were worried about her but to talk about it behind her back? It was too much to bear. Why were they so anxious for her to talk about this? Why did they think her getting a divorce was a mistake? They hadn't been enthusiastic when she had told them about her marriage it didn't make sense that they would be reluctant for her to end it.

James's words floated through her mind, '_maybe you haven't dealt with it'_. But she had dealt with it, she'd dealt with it the minute she'd hopped on the plane to Chicago, when she'd taken the temporary position and when she'd sent the divorce papers. She was dealing with it fine.

All she wanted right now was a drink. The wine at dinner hadn't been nearly enough to ease her tension.

The cab pulled into the parking lot of her apartment with the bottle of tequila buzzing through her mind. That was what she looked forward to nowadays, the lonely evenings to herself where she could get numb and almost not feel the pain anymore.

She was still thinking about her brothers and fumbling with her keys so she almost didn't see him. But it only took a moment for her eyes to catch a glimpse and her brain took over from there.

For a moment all Lisbon did was stand there in stunned horror and gape at him. For his credit, he was just standing there and staring at her too. Then her instincts kicked in and she did the only think she could think of to protect herself.

She fled.

Lisbon raced up the stairs, taking them two at a time. She was far from out of shape but she hadn't been keeping up her normal exercise regime either, the nightly alcohol binges probably didn't help. Still she had a commanding lead so she was able to unlock her apartment door and slam the door shut when she heard his footsteps encroaching.

She locked the door and put the chain on quickly before taking a couple of steps back. She heard an odd choking sound and it took her a moment to realize that it was her.

She was sobbing.

Her legs shook and she felt like she was standing on jell-o. Lisbon sank down to the floor and drew her knees up to her chest, she needed to get control of her emotions again but she just couldn't stop crying.

The banging on her door only made things worse.

"Lisbon!" He shouted and resumed his banging.

"Go away, Jane!" she shouted back.

"I need to talk to you."

"No you don't!" she replied, "Go back because there is nothing you can say to me to get me to unlock the door."

"You do remember that I can just pick the lock."

"Go ahead," she dared him. Maybe that was foolish because two seconds later she heard a faint scratching sound and the door opened a couple of inches, as much as the chain would allow it. "You see, you can't come in, so just go away."

"I've seen you kick down hundreds of doors," Jane pointed out, "you think I couldn't replicate it now?"

"You do that and I'll call the police," she shot back.

"You're not going to do that."

"You want to bet?"

"Absolutely," Jane replied easily, "of the numerous entanglements with law enforcement I've had over the years with you, this wouldn't even rank in the top ten. You never turned me in then, you certainly won't now."

Lisbon hated it when Jane could use logic against her. He was right of course; it had been an empty threat. If she hadn't turned him in for actually hiring a guy to rob her boss she wasn't going to turn him in for trying to talk to her. "Please go, Jane," she said very softly.

"I can't." She shook her head but didn't move from her position on the floor, she was sure he was just being stubborn Jane. "Lisbon, this isn't just about us."

That got her fired up. "There is no _us_! There is _you _and there is _me _but nothing together."

"Interesting how you are so willing to dismiss the last ten years."

"You know what I meant."

He sighed heavily. "I didn't come here just to talk about your irrational conclusions about our relationship—."

"Relationship! There is no—."

"A woman is dead," he interrupted her before she could protest further. She hadn't been expecting him to say _that_.

She looked up from where she'd buried her face in her hands, turning her teary eyes up towards the mostly closed door. "What?"

"Two days ago Kelly Jenkins was found in her bedroom, her chest and throat were cut and a face was drawn on the wall in her blood." Lisbon wasn't sure if she was breathing anymore, she had no idea how long she spent sitting on the floor gaping up at the door but it must have been awhile. "Lisbon? Can we please talk?"

She hadn't moved a muscle, not since Jane mentioned the bloody face on the wall, the signature of a serial killer that still haunted her nightmares. But that man was dead, he was gone; she had watched him die herself almost a year ago. So how was this possible?

Without a word Lisbon stood up and brushed her cheeks dry before softly closing the door and unlocking it. She didn't open it for Jane, just turned around so he could let himself in. She still didn't look at him, even as she heard him enter her apartment, instead she rummaged for a glass and her bottle of tequila again. Looks like she was going to get that drink after all.

Lisbon poured in a liberal amount of the amber liquid and took a long hard swallow before lowering the glass. She still didn't look at him but shook her head. "I can't believe this is happening again." Finally she turned and met his eye. "How, Jane? How did you kill the wrong man _again_?"

"I didn't."

She gave him an incredulous look. "You just said—."

"I killed the real Red John."

Another idea came to mind but she couldn't believe that Jane would be so heartless and deceitful to do it. "If this is some sort of trick to get me to open the door then I swear I _will_ shoot you this time."

Jane held up a hand. "This isn't a trick, a woman is really dead."

Lisbon sighed and took another pull from her glass. "So if Red John is really dead then what? A copycat?"

He shook his head. "Not exactly." She gave him that same look she'd given him thousands of times over the years, the look that said 'start talking _now_'. "There wasn't just a face on the wall…there was also a candle burning."

Lisbon raised an eyebrow. "What does that mean?"

"It was a memorial."

That confused her. "For Red John?" Jane nodded but that didn't explain much for her. "Who would mourn Red John?"

"His followers," Jane stated simply, "we know he had many, one or more of them must have decided to commemorate his death." She looked away now with a shake of her head. She poured more alcohol into the glass but didn't take a sip yet. "You need to come back to California."

Her eyes flashed. "Why is that exactly?"

"Whoever committed this murder might not be Red John but they studied under him," He reminded her, "We… the team, needs your help."

Lisbon did take a sip now. "If there's one thing I've learned about you all of these years is that you can handle things on your own."

"That's not true, Lisbon. You had as much of a part in finding Red John as I did," Jane said, "We need you, your logic, your leadership…we need you to find the people who did this."

She set the glass down with a soft thud. "And _you_ had to be the one to tell me all of this."

"It was only appropriate since you are my wife."

Lisbon glared at him. "I am _not_ your wife."

Jane raised an eyebrow. "I have a marriage certificate that says otherwise."

"I sent you papers that should fix that problem."

He raised a hand to wave it off. "Whole other discussion."

She gaped at him, almost unable to believe what he had just said. Could he really be this thick headed? "You didn't sign the papers?"

Jane sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "We can talk about that later—."

"Dammit, Jane just sign the papers!"

"Like I was saying, we can talk about that later, after we go back to California."

Lisbon gawked at him; she couldn't fathom the depth of his arrogance. The man really had no shame. "I am _not_ going back to California."

"Of course you are."

"Bullshit, Jane, give me one good reason why I'd go back with you?"

"Well you are going to work this case with us."

"I never said that."

"You don't have to," He replied easily. "I've garnered your interest, you'll feel compelled to go back and work this case because anything associated with Red John you believe is your responsibility."

Lisbon crossed her arms and sized him up icily. "I have a job here, Jane. Remember?"

"You are only on a temporary leave of absence," Jane reminded her, "if you don't come back now then Bertram will simply terminate your sabbatical. You'll have to return back to California in order to officially quit your job but before that you would be assigned to this case and you aren't going to leave that unfinished. So really, Lisbon, either way you are going to come back so you might as well stop fighting it and just admit it."

"Are you serious? You're blackmailing me?"

Jane actually smiled. "Oh no, that wasn't blackmail, that was simply stating the facts. Blackmail would be me telling you that that I will not give you a divorce unless you come back to California."

"What?" she exclaimed.

"If you don't come back to California with me, I won't sign the papers," Jane told her, "it's that simple."

Without a second thought Lisbon took a hold of her glass and hurled it at Jane's head. But her husband had always had quick reflexes, he ducked easily and the glass sailed across the room and smashed against the wall. It wasn't the first time she'd thrown something at him, not even the first time out of anger, but it still gave her pause that she'd actually gotten a bit violent with him.

"Get out of my apartment, Jane," she told him coldly.

He'd said everything that had needed to be said…for now. So Jane nodded his head and made his way towards the door. "I meant it," he told her, "I'm not leaving Chicago without you."

"Go to hell!"

"Eventually, perhaps," Jane said smoothly before closing the door behind him.

Lisbon was even more enraged after he'd left. She grabbed a pillow from her sofa and hurled it against a bookshelf, scattering the few framed photographs she'd bothered to put out. It fell to the floor and she kicked it across the room again before stomping back to the kitchen. There she found another glass but took it and the whole bottle with her to the bedroom.

If there was any time called for alcohol it was now.

* * *

_ The hours following Red John's death were something of a blur to everyone. It was more than just the chaos that always follows an officer-involved shooting. The truth was, there was no such thing as "a situation like this", and there was no manual over what to do when a serial killer almost kills an agent in the CBI only to be killed by the often-unstable consultant who had been hunting him for years._

_ Lisbon didn't know what to do either. She found herself caught up in the whirlwind of reporting everything to her superiors multiple times, her story being checked and rechecked with so many questions up in the air. How did he get in? Was it really Red John? How can we be sure?_

_ She didn't know the answers to any of them. One thing she was sure of was that if Jane was certain that Red John was now being taken to the morgue than so was she. The truth is that none of those questions mattered to her at all. Only one plagued her mind._

_ What happens now?_

_ So when she finally found herself alone she went to the one person who might help her find the answer to that question._

_ Jane was sitting on his couch, all alone; his face was dark with a solemnity she had never seen before. She didn't know if he had found peace or not, if anything he seemed even more troubled than he had before he'd finally accomplished what he'd sought. Things had been so strange between them over the last few weeks; they had barely spoken to one another. She knew he'd been angry with her for going against his wishes and taunting Red John and somehow she knew that just because it worked, didn't mean Jane was ready to forgive her for doing something so reckless._

_ But that didn't matter in the face of everything else that had happened. Now there were so many choices, so many possibilities for him…and Lisbon needed to know what he would do._

_ "Jane," she said very softly. He turned his head to look at her, meeting her eyes for the first time since he'd pulled the trigger that saved her life and ended Red John's. For a moment all she could do was stare at him, into those turbulent blue-green depths and her tongue remained numb in her mouth. It took her forever until she found her voice again. "We…we need to talk."_

_ Lisbon looked around at the chaos that surrounded them and made another decision. "Not here though…my place?"_

_ He hadn't taken his eyes off her for a second. Jane nodded his head simply before rising from his couch and following her towards the elevator. But he never said a word._

_0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0_

_ Things were still strangely calm when they made it to her apartment. Lisbon decided that tea would be good for both of them, not just because it seemed to be Jane's cure all for everything but because it would give her something to do while she thought about what to say to him. The truth was she was a loss for words like he was. Though she doubted it was for the same reasons._

_ She'd had a stake in the Red John case too, not just as leader but because of everything the monster had done over the years including killing Bosco and harassing her and Jane. She'd faked her own death, broken more than one law and spent far too many sleepless nights worrying over Red John…and Jane. _

_ "Do you want some tea?" Lisbon asked which was a little silly since she'd already started to make the beverage. But Jane nodded his head and she brought the cup over to the couch so they could sip in silence again. It was eating at her, this fact that he wasn't saying anything. Not even after he'd shot Red John, not a single word. "Jane…I don't even know what to say but this silence is driving me crazy."_

_ Jane was still eerily quiet for a moment before he softly muttered. "He's dead."_

_ She softened then. "I know…it's finally over." She was still in shock a bit herself. She couldn't imagine how overwhelming this was for him. _

_ "Seems surreal doesn't it?" Jane offered, "I've chased him for so long."_

_ "I…I'm not sure if it has really hit me yet," Lisbon agreed. "I'm sure it's even stranger for you."_

_ "It feels like a nightmare." He said, surprising her._

_ "What?"_

_"It feels as if this is all a setup and any moment I will wake up and you are still undercover or worse he has gotten to you and kill you. It is the same dream I have had since we started this."_

_ "It worked, Jane…it worked," she offered a bit numbly. Jane didn't seem to find the result as comforting as she thought he would. _

_ "I know," he finally admitted. "I paid my promise to them."_

_ This was the part that Lisbon had begun to fear the most. The fact that the whole game was finally over…it might mean that beginning of other ends as well. "What are you going to do now?"_

_ He looked away from her, setting his cup of tea on the table beside him. "I don't know."_

_ "Maybe you should take some time off, think about it," Lisbon offered and he simply nodded again. She didn't like this, hated how he seemed to be so adrift…it scared her to think that maybe he wouldn't choose to stay. "You're going to leave aren't you? You are going to leave because without Red John…you don't have a reason to stay."_

_ "Red John wasn't my only reason for staying all of these years."_

_ That touched her, but not enough to erase her fears. "But is it going to be enough?" She had to ask these questions. "You put him first for so long…" She tried to hide the tears pricking in her eyes but she failed as they slid down her cheeks._

_ "Hey," Jane said, reaching up wipe away one of the tears. "Why this?"_

_ She shook her head. "Did I make a mistake? We got Red John but…but I lost you."_

_ "You never lost me."_

_ "But I never really had you either…did I?" It was truth. She wasn't sure how much of Patrick Jane she had ever had for herself. His friendship? Yes but that friendship had been used and abused far too often. Everything else…well it seemed like their relationship had been built on a give and take, she gave and he took and she had understood that. Maybe when he finally finished healing she would finally get something back…now it seemed that dream was lost too._

_ It felt like in the game between Red John and Patrick Jane…she was the true loser._

_ She started crying, now softly but steadily and Jane pulled her against him so she could let her tears dampen his shirt. He was sweet, holding her like he had never allowed himself before. Maybe because she had never thought she had actually lost him…or maybe because now there was nothing to hold him back. In this case she didn't know. Neither did he._

_ Lisbon wasn't sure why she was certain he wouldn't stay. Maybe because he'd never talked about life outside of Red John. Maybe because whenever he lost the case he always threatened to do just that. Claiming that the job was never enough for him to stick around without the need for revenge._

_ She lifted her head and looked into his eyes, a little surprised to see that his own were wet with tears too. _'This is it'_ she thought_, 'it's now or never'. _Maybe that made her brave…or foolish. Either way it pushed her into action she'd never had the guts to do before._

_ Lisbon placed her hands on his cheeks, gently brushing the wetness from the little crinkles by his eyes. He must have seen something in her eyes, perhaps a determination that wasn't there before. But the only form of protest was a gentle "Teresa…" before she leaned up and sealed his lips with hers._

_ It was slow, soft and tentative. At first he didn't respond at all as she gently brushed her lips over his, a hesitant way of asking for something before suckling softly on his bottom one. He did respond then with an equally careful exploration of his own, something that made her heart pick up with a little bit of hope. Maybe he did want this, had always wanted this, as much as she did._

_ The kiss deepened but not too much, a little more passionate but still languid and drawn out. She was the aggressor, her tongue seeking out past the seam of his lips, her hands gliding into his hair to pull him closer. Eventually the slow pace was too much in her over emotional state and she amped it up several notches by sliding into his lap and straddling him…and she knew for sure then that he definitely wanted her too._

_ But he pulled his mouth from hers, looking into her eyes once more. "Teresa…" he began again but she stopped him by kissing him once more._

_ "Please," she whispered against his mouth, moving her hips to make it clear what she was asking for. "Please." She repeated the word again and again until she felt his grip on her waist tighten and she knew then that for once…Jane would finally be the one giving._

_ She was still the one taking charge, unbuttoning his shirt and vest before stopping to pull her own top over her head. Their kisses became headier and passionate now that they both knew that there was not going to be any stopping them this time. She didn't take the time to undress Jane completely, maybe afraid that he would stop if he had time to think it through. But she had to stand up to take off her pants and underwear before straddling his lap again._

_ They didn't explore, didn't take the time to appreciate the other, just let themselves feel what was happening before it was lost forever. She let out a groan and wrapped her arms around his neck tighter when he finally did slide into her soft heat._

_ Their lovemaking wasn't brutally fast or passionately slow, somewhere in between as they both grappled with what was happening and neither knew how long this moment would last. She focused on small things, the tight way he held her waist as he guided her movements, the look in his eyes as he stared at her, the softness of his kiss when she leaned down once more._

_ If she could have prolonged this moment forever, she would have done it for any price. But she could not stop her body from tightening around him when she finally found her release, shaking into his arms with a sharp cry. He still held her through it and she turned her head to kiss him again, hungrily until she felt the warmth fill her as he finally let go himself._

_ She didn't want to move, wanted to stay with him inside of her, forever if need be. It was the first time she ever felt truly connected, truly wanted by him. She hated the idea that this might also be the last._

_ Lisbon buried her face into his shoulder, another tear slipping down her cheek. "Thank you," she whispered to him. "Thank you."_

_ He didn't say anything but held her tighter to him._

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_ Eventually the moment had to end and Lisbon tried to hold herself together when he told her he had to leave. He promised that she would be the first one he would call when he figured out exactly what he wanted. But Lisbon didn't except to ever get that call, somehow she just knew that his would be the last time she would ever see Patrick Jane again._

_ She told herself that it would be okay because even if it had only been for a few moments. He had finally been hers._

* * *

__A/N: I know! Jane is the husband! Who could have possibly guessed that? LOL but this is going to be fun, Jane doesn't want a divorce but Lisbon does, you'll get to enjoy that battle as Jane has the unenviable task of wooing his own wife. Oh boy LOL but you'll get to see what led to their falling out, mistakes on both sides because their marriage didn't start off on solid ground. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Next chapter: Jane continues to try and convince his wife to return with him to California while also getting a chance to meet all three of his brothers in law hehehe.


	3. Man and Wife

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

A/N: Yahoo! People really like the idea of Jane and Lisbon being married...I wonder why? LOL I too have a love for Jane calling Lisbon "wife" hehehe. This story is a lot of fun, things will get even MORE interesting when they finally get back to Sacramento and their marriage continues to become unraveled and sewn back up. Thanks so much for sticking through this fic!

**Anonymous Reviews:**

**Anonymous: **Of course I'm evil! LOL You'll have to read on to find out what happened between Jane and Lisbon, they both are at fault for their marriage breaking and some of it was outside of their control. You'll see.

**Anara:** Wait till you read on, things will get even more interesting. I don't think there is another fic out there like this hehehe. Usually when people get them married, they are quite happy.

**Carla: **LOL I'm glad you are sticking around. Be prepared to keep being frustrated, it'll be a while before they start to patch things up.

**Anonymous:** Haven't had quite a good week myself so this fic has been great therapy, I hope this chapter helps

**Maru:** Muchas gracias para leyendo. Me espara te gusta el capitulo.

* * *

Chapter 3: Man and Wife

For the second morning in a row Lisbon woke up hungover but the second day was definitely the worst. She vaguely remembered throwing up over the toilet; she hadn't done that since a particularly wild party sophomore year of college. God help it felt like a band of monkey was banging out the _Star Spangled Banner_ inside of her head.

She rolled off of the bed again and just rested her head in her hands once more, trying to let the world stop spinning. She'd actually woken up with a bottle of tequila in her bed, not the best of bedside companions she'd had over the years…unfortunately not the worst either. It took a moment for the dizziness to pass and she finally looked up and saw her clock.

"Oh shit," she gasped.

This time she wasn't just going to be late, she already was!

Lisbon raced to the academy, cursing her husband the whole way. He just had to show up now didn't he?

She wished that she could just sneak into her office like nothing had happened again, but this time she wasn't just late, she'd missed a lecture she was supposed to teach. It didn't help that as soon as she walked into the building she ran right into Barbara.

"Teresa?" Barbara asked, rushing over towards her, "What happened? I was about to call you to see if you were all right."

"I'm fine," Lisbon said though that was probably the worst excuse she'd ever made. Her estranged husband was waltzing back into her life after revealing that the followers of the serial killer they had taken down her out on a new spree. That was as far from fine as she had ever been.

"You missed a class this morning…and you look terrible. What happened?"

She stood there trying to think of an excuse but she couldn't come up with anything. Barbara waited for an answer and Lisbon was overcome with the desire to tell her the truth. What she really needed was to sit down and cry out everything that had happened. That her husband of less than a year had finally come back only because of a case. She wanted to have someone tell her that things would be okay. She wanted someone to understand.

But she really didn't want anyone to know she'd been a complete fool and married a former con artist and her consultant.

"It won't happen again," Lisbon assured her, apologizing again profusely before heading back to the privacy of her office where she could sulk with her failure alone.

She felt terrible; she never did things like this, never failed in her responsibility to her job. Even when things had been truly awful in California she hadn't let if affect her work. Her brother's words flashed through her mind, their concerns that she might actually have a drinking problem. Lisbon dismissed that though, she didn't have a drinking problem, she had a _husband_ problem.

Lisbon collapsed on her chair and put her head on her desk. Why was Jane here _now_? And refusing a divorce? That might have touched her before, made her feel like maybe the man she married might actually have some feelings of love for her but not now. He had waited six months before finally coming up here to get her. And the only reason he had done even that was because of a damn case.

A case involving Red John's followers.

Jane was right about one thing, she did feel like anything involving Red John was her responsibility, a feeling they probably both shared. She lifted her head and grabbed a pen, rolling it between her thumb and forefinger as she thought back to what Jane had said.

A woman was found underneath a Red John smiley. Okay, that meant whoever was doing this was trying either mimic their master's work or maybe…maybe they were trying to _continue_ it. Red John had a God complex, enlightening his followers into his twisted world, more than that though he played games. Puzzles had been what he enjoyed most, especially with Jane. And of course at his core he was simply another psychopath who found enjoyment in making his murderous fantasies reality.

The question was if his followers had the same fundamental instinct as Red John or if they were simply trying to replicate what he had done without understanding it. If they latter then they most likely didn't have the same incredible genius as him and would be prone to make mistakes. That would mean it would be easier for them to be caught, of course since it is likely that there was more than one it would mean a much bigger and more dangerous problem.

Lisbon tapped the pen against the desk. If Jane's theory was right and they were trying to memorialize Red John then this might no actually be about continuing his work, which was generally against the public stir up fear and change. No this might be even more personal…perhaps just for those who were responsible for bring Red John down in the end.

That thought sent a prickle of fear down her spine. Undoubtedly she would be one of those people since she had been the one who come up with and act out the plan that ultimately killed Red John, even if she wasn't the one who fired the shot. No doubt Jane would the one at the very top and her name right below his.

She hated that idea, mostly because she knew that when it came to anything involving Red John it didn't mean her life was necessarily in danger but the lives of people she loved and cared about. That included her family and her team…especially the team since they were also involved with finally nabbing Red John.

That thought really didn't settle way with Lisbon, not when she was currently a few thousand miles away from them.

Lisbon decided that it was enough just thinking about it and took action instead. She grabbed her phone and dialed the number for the CBI records. She wanted that case file _now_.

* * *

Jane had actually been to Chicago a few times in his life, occasionally when the carnival circuit came through Illinois and if he had to go on some talk show while working the psychic show. He knew the basic topography and a diner where he could enjoy some excellent eggs and that was enough to make his brief stay pleasurable.

He hadn't come to this city knowing that his wife would welcome him back with open arms, the fact that she hadn't pulled a gun on him was a win. He did know for sure that Lisbon was going to come back with him to California, she might come kicking and screaming but she would come if only for the case. As for her desire for a divorce, well he would just have to work on changing her mind once they made it back home.

His marriage was the primary focus of his energy; even the case fell on the low side next his personal life. Jane was not a fool; he knew he'd failed as a husband with Teresa. She wouldn't have run away or filed for a divorce unless he'd done something wrong. Yes, some of it was outside of his control, certainly she was still grieving just as he was, but other things he could have fixed. Mostly his crimes were of inaction and omission. Of course she had her own share of the blame, the question was if he could get her to see that the flaws could be fixed.

Or if she even wanted to try?

Jane was pulled out of his thoughts by his cell phone ringing; he smiled when he saw Cho's number. Yes it was almost nine o'clock in Sacramento, by now the temporary team leader was realizing that Jane was far too late and would be wondering what trouble he was getting into. "Hello, Cho," Jane said as he answered the phone.

"Where the hell are you?"

"Not there."

"No shit."

He leaned back in the seat, thoroughly enjoying this conversation simply because it was fun to ruffle feathers some times. Being estranged from his wife meant he took amusement where he could find it. "I'm not going to be coming in today…probably not tomorrow either."

"What the hell are you doing, Jane?"

"I'm still working on the case."

"The case is here."

"Ah but work can be done elsewhere."

"Cut the crap and tell me where you are."

Jane was still smiling as he told him. "I'm in Chicago picking up my wife."

Cho was quiet for a long while as those words sank in. "You talked to her?"

"Yeah, I told her about the case and that she needs to come back to California. She's still fighting it but she is going to come around," Jane explained, "she just wants to see if I'll let her divorce me first."

"Okay," Cho said simply, "get her to come back and keep in touch, we'll need her help on this case."

"I had no idea you wanted us to get back together."

"I couldn't care less about your marriage," Cho stated, "I just want the boss back."

"Your concern is touching, but I know secretly you are a romantic."

"Just bring her back," Cho told him before hanging up the phone.

Jane was still smiling as he put his phone away. He hadn't expected any kind of admission from the agent known as "the ice man" especially when Cho told him point blank after the wedding that he didn't deserve Lisbon. That was a point they were in full agreement on and perhaps if he were a better man he would agree to her desire for a divorce. But he didn't want to lose her, not when he was convinced there was still a chance they could find happiness together.

And they had found it. It might have been brief and served to hide the cracks in the foundation of their relationship but it had been real.

He finished up his meal and left a tip before stepping out into the city. Lisbon hadn't really spoken about her childhood much, not even after they married, not that he'd told her much about his either. But he could read between the lines, it was easy for him to imagine her walking these streets as an adorable freckle-faced girl holding her mother's hand, then as a responsibility-laden teenager trying to be invisible from everyone.

It didn't escape him that she'd been very desperate to leave him if she'd come back here, the place she despised because of her past. It didn't bode well for his plans but there was no doubt in his mind that he was going to get her to change her mind about this divorce.

He had to.

* * *

Lisbon had been a very bad employee that day; she'd been at work but hadn't done a damn thing for her classes. Instead she'd spent the whole time calling various CBI offices trying to convince them to send her a report on the case. It seemed that while she was still technically an employee of the CBI, they still didn't want to seen open case files to another state.

Finally after one o'clock she threw down her phone, disgusted with how slow this was all going. She wasn't really hungry but she was desperate to get out of her office and she really needed something in her stomach to help finish off the hangover.

Lisbon took in a deep breath of air and blinked in the bright sunlight outside of the building. She wasn't sure where she would go for lunch but knew she would avoid the deli at all costs, no way did she want to sit with Jack again.

"Beautiful afternoon, wouldn't you say?" The voice of her husband made her stop in her tracks. Sure enough, Jane was lounging against the building; obviously he'd been calmly waiting for her to show up. The bastard.

"What the hell are you doing here?" She asked him angrily, glancing around to make sure no one she knew was seeing her get into an argument. She had no idea how she'd be able to explain this one without revealing her marital status.

"A man can't visit his own wife on her lunch break?"

"Stop calling me that," Lisbon hissed, lowering her voice a bit.

Jane noticed her subdued behavior. "Why? It's the truth, the law is on my side here."

"Go to hell."

But he was impervious to her anger; he simply shrugged it off with a sympathetic smile. "Aww, someone is dealing with a nasty hangover."

She glared at him angrily. "In a minute someone else will be dealing with a gunshot wound."

"You won't shoot me," Jane said confidently.

Lisbon crossed her arms over her chest. "Why not?"

"Because that would require you to fill out paperwork and we both know how much you despise paperwork."

She raised an eyebrow. "I did the paperwork to divorce you."

Jane didn't flinch but his smile did fade a little as he nodded his head. "I noticed that."

"Sign the damn papers!" She ordered, throwing her hands up in frustration.

"No," He told her simply, "and deep down you don't want me to sign them."

That was ridiculous! If she didn't want him to sign them then she wouldn't have sent him the papers in the first place. "Bullshit! I want to fix the biggest mistake of my life"

"You have made worse mistakes than marrying me." He told her.

"Name one."

Jane thought about it for a moment before shaking his head. "Hmm, no."

Lisbon rolled her eyes. "Don't pretend you want this to continue. It took you six months to come up here."

Now she saw a flash of guilt in his eyes. Aha! He did know that taking this long to come and get her only proved he wasn't as serious over this as he claimed. Jane finally gave her a sheepish reply. "I was giving you time to reflect."

"Don't lie to me Jane. The only reason you came up here was because of this damn case." She knew that was true, it had to be.

But Jane did not look pleased by her suggestion. "I could care less about the damn case." She raised an eyebrow at his curse, Jane never cursed unless he was serious. "I care about you, I care about our marriage."

Lisbon shook her head. "It's too late. Our marriage is over."

"Meh, it isn't over until I sign the papers," Jane said, waving his hand dismissively. "Which I'm not going to do right now."

Lisbon let out strangled shriek. "What the hell is wrong with you? You really think that _this_ is a successful marriage?"

"Where is the nearest diner?"

Had she heard him right? "What?"

"Diner. You know a place that serves food."

She gaped at him and then snapped, "I know what a diner is!"

"Oh good, because those places usually have the best eggs."

God she was married to a ten year old child. "You are unbelievable! We are standing on the street fighting over our divorce and all you can think about are eggs?"

"I'm hungry and you were about to get something to eat and we aren't fighting." Jane told her as if he was talking about the weather and not over their marital problems

"You are always hungry and we most certainly are fighting."

"No, if this was one of our typical fights then we would be having sex within the hour." Jane said, a cheeky grin on his face.

She stared at him; she simply could not believe he had the gall to say that…and a few memories flashed in her mind. Ones that involved them fighting at the CBI only to return to their home and wind up working through her anger in a much more satisfying way. But those days were long over…and how dare he bring that up now?

Then she punched him across the face. "Jackass," she muttered as she marched into the building, her hunger long forgotten.

_"That could have gone better,"_ Jane thought to himself as he idly rubbed his jaw. But it could have been worse; he knew that for a fact. Because only a woman who cared would be hurt that he hadn't shown up until now.

And only someone still in love could be that angry.

* * *

Lisbon was beginning to realize that being out of state meant that it was a lot more difficult to pull strings. She had been on and off the phone all day with the clerks from California, they weren't as willing to mail case files across state borders as they were to just hand them to her when she worked there.

She fumbled with her keys with one hand while pressing the phone to her ear with the other. "Look, I just want the case file for Kelly Jenkins, the lead agent is Kimball Cho." She waited as she heard their protests but interrupted. "I'm still a CBI agent and Agent Cho's supervisor, all I want is the file…yes I know I'm not in California but that shouldn't make a difference."

She opened the door to her apartment still arguing with the clerk. "I know standard procedure but I'm not asking for the evidence just the case file."

"No need, it's right here."

Lisbon let out yelp and turned around to see Jane sitting casually in her living room, a cup of tea in hand and a thick folder on the coffee table in front of him. He just smiled at her even as she glared daggers at him. She hung up on the useless clerk and kept her angry gaze on her husband. "You do realize that I could shoot you for breaking and entering…_again_."

"Well that would take care of your need for a divorce wouldn't it?" Jane replied easily, "or you could give up the pretense of sulking and just come over here to look at the case file, which is what you were wanting right?"

"You're an ass."

"So you've said."

She stood her ground for a few moments, wrestling with her desire to have nothing to do with him and her need to look at that case file. That cheeky grin he was giving her only meant he knew exactly what she would do. She marched over and snatched the file into her hands before sitting on the other end of the sofa, as far from him as she could get. "Where was the body found?"

"In her bedroom, it had all the marks of a Red John killing with a few minor mistakes."

"And the candle," Lisbon finished.

Jane nodded, "And the candle."

She flipped through the file, pausing at the gruesome photographs. A lovely young woman with blonde hair stained red, her throat and chest cut open in a chilling pattern. Lisbon swallowed heavily. "I thought it was all over," she said numbly.

"Technically it is," Jane pointed out, "Red John is dead."

"But his work lives on." Lisbon met his eyes briefly before looking back at the pictures, catching something. "The cuts seem different."

"They are," he agreed, "It is a very close copy of Red John's but not perfect. They didn't have the same 'artistry' as he did."

"I suppose that is one way to put it," Lisbon said dryly and flipped to another photograph. This one showed the bloody face on the wall just over the victim's head. The layout of the room was so that it was the first thing someone would see when entering it. "They got the face on the right wall though."

"Well that is a much easier thing to remember," Jane said.

"It's what tripped up Dr. Tanger."

"But he wasn't a follower of Red John, the ones who did this knew the significance of his signature."

Lisbon didn't reply to that but focused on the photographs. "The candle is on the bedside table, below the face, it looks like a candle you'd find in churches for prayer." She looked up at him, "I think you are right about the memorial."

"Of course I am."

She didn't say anything about his arrogant reply but kept her eyes buried in the case file. "Does the victim have any connections to any of Red John's victims?"

"No," Jane replied, "but this wasn't random. She must have some connection to his followers, they wouldn't just choose someone off the street."

"But there could be hundreds of ways she could be connected to them."

"Well it never is easy is it?"

She fought the urge to roll her eyes at Jane for stating the obvious. Lisbon continued to flip through the file, skimming over the notes from the officers on the scene and the reports written by her own team. She still felt a knot in her stomach when she saw their names, it wasn't just from missing them but from guilt, she hadn't spoken to any of them in months. She set the file back down on the table and sighed, rubbing her eyes "I don't see any real leads in here."

"We're still looking into her past," Jane explained.

"God knows how long that will take." Lisbon looked up to see Jane staring at her, his eyes were soft and there was a hint of a smile on his lips. She'd seen that look before, many times in fact, it usually meant he was going to something devious…or he wanted to kiss her. "Stop looking at me like that."

He raised an eyebrow at her. "Like what?"

"Like that."

His smile grew and his eyes sparkled. "You're going to have to be more descriptive, Teresa." First names, they had called each other by their first names after they were married unless they were on the job.

She ignored his use of her given name. "I don't want you giving me that look."

"I'm looking at you like a man admiring his wife."

She closed her eyes and shook her head. "I'm not your wife, Jane."

"By any legal definition, you are," He reminded her.

"We're also legally separated and pursuing a legal divorce."

"You're the one pursuing a divorce," Jane corrected her.

"You're kidding right?" Lisbon said incredulously, "You actually want to stay married to me?" Jane didn't say anything but his smile was answer enough. "Oh my God! You…you're crazy, why on earth would you want to stay in this joke of a marriage?"

"Oh I don't find it a joke at all, actually I take it very seriously."

"Our wedding was at a casino chapel, the witnesses were some random guest and the receptionist with a bad perm. Don't you hear how ridiculous that sounds?"

"As I recall you didn't find any fault with our wedding at the time."

"Things change, Jane. Just like we have changed, our reason for marrying is gone now, there's no point in continuing this when we clearly don't belong together."

"_'We clearly don't belong together'_," he repeated and she saw a bit of anger in his eyes now, "Why don't you explain what parts of us don't suit?"

She didn't want to answer that question, mostly because she didn't have a good answer. Lisbon believed that she and Jane could not be more ill suited for one another but damned if she knew how to prove it. "Why are you so determined to stay married?"

"Why are you so determined to end it?"

For a long time they simply stared at one another both with stubborn looks in their eyes. They had butted heads like this numerous times, usually involving a case, not about their personal lives and never about something like this.

Before their argument could continue there was a knock at her door. Lisbon couldn't have been more surprised or upset by the visitor. She knew that it had to be one of her three brothers; it couldn't be more inconvenient since her husband was currently in her living room. There was no way she was going to be able to avoid this reunion.

She rushed over to the door to answer it, she knew Jane well and he was probably looking forward to something like this. It was James who was on the other side. "James, what are you doing here?" She only opened the door a few inches, not letting her brother into her home.

"I just wanted to talk to you about yesterday…" James was not unobservant; he noticed his sister's odd behavior. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

But her brother knew when she was lying. "Then why won't you let me inside?"

"Because…because I…" she floundered for some believable lie but came up empty handed.

"Because I'm here," Lisbon winced at Jane's words. He walked up behind her and smiled at her brother. James put one hand on the door and forced it open so he could come in and get a better look at her _guest_.

Jane was still smiling while James glared at him. She was sure there was no need for introductions but she didn't know what else to do. "James, this is Jane he's…he's…"

"I'm her husband," Jane finished and offered his hand, "It's nice to finally meet you. I've been wanting to meet all of my brothers-in-law."

James's gaze hardened at the word _husband_ and he didn't accept Jane's offer to shake hands. Lisbon was the one who tried to smooth the waters. "James, I know you are wondering why he is here."

"Actually he's trying to decide whether or not to punch me," Jane said.

Lisbon glared at her husband too now. "That's a fairly common feeling upon meeting _you_."

"What the _hell_ is going on here?" James exclaimed looking from his sister to her husband and back again.

Jane was still smiling. "I'm here to bring Teresa back to California."

He raised an eyebrow. "You two are going to try to patch things up?"

"Yes," Jane said

At the same time Lisbon replied, "No." She turned to look at Jane incredulously, "Why would you say that?"

"I'm just being honest with my intentions."

James was still looking completely overwhelmed. "Is he staying here?"

"God no," Lisbon said.

Jane looked a little annoyed at her response. "Is it really that hard to believe, we are man and wife."

"Don't call us that again."

"It is the truth."

"It won't be for much longer."

"Well that's a bit presumptuous."

"You can't force me to stay married to you."

"I don't remember forcing you to marry me."

"God dammit, Jane!"

James watched the argument taking place with a look of disbelief. "You sound like my kids arguing over the remote."

This time Lisbon's scowl was directed at her younger brother until Jane chuckled then she glared at her husband once more. "I'm glad both of you find this amusing." That made James snap to attention; obviously he wasn't willing to have anything in common with his brother-in-law. She sighed and turned her attention to Jane. "Jane, I need you to go right now."

He studied the siblings for a moment before nodding. "All right, but you know I'm not going back."

"Fine, whatever," Lisbon said shooing him out the door, "We'll discuss this later."

"You can count on that."

"Looking forward to it," she said dryly before closing the door behind him. She stood there for a moment, looking at the closed door, sighing heavily and then turned to look at her brother.

James was looking at her with wide eyes, partly from shock and also irritation. "Okay," she began carefully, "I know you are a bit confused."

"How long has he been here?"

She sighed again. "He came over here last night."

His eyes widened even more. "How long did he stay?"

The implication was obvious and Lisbon blushed at the idea of having to discuss something like this with her brother. "Not long, and before you ask, no nothing like _that_ happened."

James relaxed just a little. "So he came here to try and work things out between you."

"Not exactly," Lisbon said walking over to the living room where the case file still rested on the table. "There's a case in California, Jane wants me to come back to work it."

"Are you going to?"

She was quiet for a very long time before finally admitting, "I don't know." She shook her head and looked away from him, "I have no idea if I even want to go back to work at the CBI."

James stepped towards her. "Is that it…or do you just not want to go back because of _him_?" She didn't say anything so her brother continued. "He said he wants to try to work things out."

"Jane says a lot of things."

"Well did he sign the papers?"

Lisbon looked down at the floor. "No."

James nodded his head at her answer. "And he told you that he doesn't want a divorce."

"Well not exactly…"

"Teresa."

She threw up her hands. "All right! No, he doesn't want a divorce! He wants me to go back to California, he said he won't sign the papers unless I go with him but he doesn't want to sign the papers at all." She walked stopped pacing her living room and began twisting her fingers into knots.

Her brother was quiet through her outburst and a little bit afterwards before finally asking. "How do you feel about this?"

Lisbon looked back up at him. "I told you, this marriage is over."

"That isn't what I asked."

"Well what do you want me to say?"

"The truth! Is there a part of you that is happy that he wants to try to work this out?"

Lisbon was stunned by that question. She didn't know how to respond. She hadn't come back to Chicago with the dreams that her husband would follow her and beg her to come back, she wasn't that naïve or that desperate. But she had to admit that a part of her had been hurt that he hadn't, it was why she truly believed he wanted to end this marriage as much as she did. But she had been wrong.

Then why did he come now?

She shook her head. "It's too late."

"But he came…"

"It doesn't matter!" Lisbon shouted. "My marriage was over before I moved out here. Just because he refuses to see that doesn't make it any less true. We both screwed up, better to cut our losses and end it now."

Another moment of silence followed her words before James said. "But you are still going to go. It is your job."

She sighed and nodded. "Yes it is…and then I can get him to sign the papers."

"Is that what you want?"

Lisbon was getting frustrated with this. "Why do you keep asking me that?"

"Because I want to know if you really do want this."

"What do you want me to say, James?"

"Nothing," he told her, "I just want you to be happy. Is getting divorced going to do that for you?"

Lisbon closed her eyes and shook her head a little. "I don't know, James…I don't know."

James nodded. "Then you need to find out."

"So you're telling me to stay married to him."

"I'm saying that you need to figure this out, Teresa. Do what you have to do as long as whatever it is means you'll actually smile again."

She sighed heavily. "Some things can't be fixed, James."

Her brother looked at her, his eyes laced with concern. "Teresa…"

"I have things I have to do now," she told him firmly. Her voice said it all; it was time for him to leave.

James nodded his head and somberly left the apartment. Lisbon didn't relax until he was gone then she sat down on to her sofa and let out a deep breath.

She was going to go back to California, she'd said as much to her brother. She was going to begin a quest to find Red John's followers. She was going to face her team again. She was going to have to deal with her husband.

She had no idea how she would survive this.

* * *

_ Lisbon was sitting on her bathroom floor when her phone rang. She'd forgotten that it was still in her jacket pocket, which was now crumpled on the floor next to her. Without thinking about it, Lisbon scrambled for it and answered it. "Lisbon," she said, but her voice sounded soft and breathless. So that is what she sounded like when the world was collapsing around her._

_ "Lisbon, it's me." Jane's voice was calm; there was something different about it too. He was firm and steady, something she had never witnessed in him before._

_ "Jane!" she exclaimed sitting up quickly, her heart started pounding out a painfully fast rhythm. "I…I'm glad you called. How are you?" She asked and put one hand on her forehead immediately regretting how frantic she sounded._

_ "I'm all right," he told her and as crazy as it might be…he did sound all right._

_ Well at least one of them was._

_ "How are you?" he asked her politely._

_ How was she? She was doing terrible! Lisbon's hand started shaking so much that her phone rattled against her ear. She put it on speaker and set it down on her leg so that he wouldn't notice. It was better that way, now she could use both of her hands to cover her mouth while she was crying._

_ "I'm…fine," she managed to stammer out._

_ Jane must have noticed that she sounded off. "Are you sure?"_

_ "Mmhmm," she murmured and wiped away the tears from her cheeks. "So, why are you calling me?"_

_ He was quiet for a while and Lisbon actually wondered if their connection had been lost. But then he said very softly. "I'm coming back."_

_ Lisbon swore her heart stopped for a minute._

_ Jane wanted to come back? He wanted to work with her team again now…even after he'd finally accomplished what he'd always wanted he still wanted to be a part of the team. It was something she had hoped for but never allowed herself to believe._

_ And it was happening now._

_ Could it get any worse than this?_

_ "Lisbon? Are you still there?"_

_ She jumped a little. How long had she been silent? "Yeah I'm still here, Jane, I was just thinking…" she grasped for something to say. "Are you sure this is what you want?"_

_ "I've been thinking a lot about what I want now," Jane admitted, "these past six weeks away have helped me figure some things out."_

_ "So you know what you want now with your life?_

_ "Not really," he explained, "I never really thought about the future beyond Red John. Now that I have that luxury…I don't know what I want. I just know that I can't imagine a future without the team…and you."_

_ Lisbon had no idea what he meant by tacking on the "…and you" but it did touch her immensely._

_ Oh God he sounded so happy now. And she was going to destroy that._

_ A small sob escaped her lips and she winced. "Lisbon, are you okay?"_

_ "I'm fine," she said quickly and grabbed the towel that hung on the bar above her head so she could bury her face in it. It worked, muffling her sobs. _

_ "Are you sure?"_

_ "Mmhm," She told him, biting into the terry cloth to gather the strength to speak again. "I was just thinking," she floundered a little once more. "If you are sure that this is what you want then…then I guess we'll see you soon."_

_ "You will," his voice was firm, a promise behind it._

_ "Great." Lisbon covered her face with the towel again._

_ "I'll see you Monday."_

_ She chocked back another sob. "Yeah…see you Monday." Then before she could stop herself his name escaped her lips. "Jane!"_

_ For a second it hung there as she decided whether or not to tell him the truth. But her cowardice won the battle. "I…I'm glad you are coming back."_

_ She could actually hear his smile. "Me too." There was another beat before he said; "I'll see you soon."_

_ "Yeah…soon."_

_ Then there was silence as Jane hung up and Lisbon allowed herself to openly cry. She buried her face in the towel again even if she didn't have to cover up her sobs now._

_ This was awful, absolutely horrible. Jane was finally getting his life back but now she was going to destroy it. She was going to take away whatever plan he had come up with. How could she do that to him?_

_ Lisbon reached over to the item sitting on the floor beside her, the object that was the reason for her tears._

_ The positive pregnancy test._

* * *

Lisbon spent a lot of the night packing what few belongings she had in Chicago that she would need once she went back to Sacramento. It seemed to be the exact opposite of the day she'd packed her bags to come to this city, that had been something of a frantic rush to just get out of that house and away from her husband. In this case she stopped packing repeatedly as she occasionally talked herself out of going back. Seeing her team again would be okay, it was going back to California and the CBI where people would either look at her with pity or gossip about her marriage, neither of which she looked forward to.

But there were still some things she needed to take care of in Chicago before she went back to California and started a new case.

Barbara was in her office early as usual when Lisbon softly knocked before entering. "I'm sorry, Barbara," Lisbon began carefully, "but I'm afraid I have to talk to you…it's urgent."

"Is something wrong?"

She nodded. "Uh, you know that I'm only on sabbatical from the CBI, which means I'm still an agent there."

Barbara nodded. "I'm aware of this."

"I…I've been called back." This wasn't technically true but Lisbon figured it was only a matter of time before Bertram called her in to work the case anyways. "I need to go back to California immediately to help work a new case." Barbara looked close to panicking and Lisbon knew why, with another week still left in this semester she was leaving them in the lurch. "I would never do something like this but this case involves the missing followers of Red John, it appears they have started killing as a way to continue Red John's work and I was head of the taskforce then so it makes sense that I handle this case now."

The other woman still looked overwhelmed but was a bit calmer now at least. "I understand, a major case like this, of course they would want you back."

Lisbon nodded. "I don't really have a choice, my sabbatical is being terminated and I'm needed to help catch the people responsible for this."

"Teresa, I understand. Obviously a high profile case like this takes priority."

She was quiet for a moment as she sort of toyed with her hands. "I'm…I'm still thinking about the job offer."

Now Barbara looked even more interested. "It will certainly be waiting for you when this case is finished."

"Good," Lisbon replied, "I…I think I might need a change after this."

Her eyes sparkled with barely restrained glee. "You've done a lot of good in California, a fresh start wouldn't be a bad idea."

The use of "fresh start" hit Lisbon hard. It was exactly what she needed. To get away from California with memories of loving a man for a decade, having him for a few months and watching it all fall apart…and the baby that had never come to be. She wanted to get away from the pain of everything she had done, from the mistakes she had made. This job would give her that chance.

"No it wouldn't," she agreed softly.

"Perhaps going back to California will be good for you," Barbara suggested, "It might give you a chance to put your affairs in order."

"Maybe…" Lisbon agreed. She didn't know what was keeping from just taking the job here, probably the fact that she wasn't sure if she really liked being something other than a cop.

"Take your time, we'll still be here."

"Thank you," She told her genuinely, "I do apologize for this…but it's something I have to do."

Barbara went on to assure Lisbon that someone else would fill in for the final week of her classes, that everything would turn out all right and they all understood how incredibly important this situation is. She barely listened though, her heart was racing as she realized there was no way out of this now.

She was going back.

* * *

His second day in Chicago was marked by all three members of the team calling him at some point to get an update on his plan to bring Lisbon back to California. This time it was Van Pelt who wanted to know how things were coming along, though her questions were more personal than the men.

"How is she?" Grace asked gently after learning that Lisbon still hadn't given a definitive answer about her return.

"Do you want the truth or a lie?"

She was quiet for a long moment before saying. "Is it really that bad?"

"I have a few theories over how she's been trying to get over what happened, none of them I particularly like." Jane knew for a fact he hated how tightly she'd clutched that glass of tequila, he had a feeling she imbibed far more often then she should.

"You shouldn't have waited this long."

Jane was annoyed that Grace was turning this around on him, but damned if he knew how to fight that accusation. She was right, he should have followed her to Chicago six months ago…not waiting until she sent him the damn divorce papers. "No, I shouldn't have but I did and now this is the situation that we have," Jane told her, "I can still fix this between us."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm not going to give up on my marriage," he declared, "not now."

"Why now? Why not before when she was still hurting and scared?"

Jane let out a groan; he really didn't want to talk to Grace about how much he had failed his wife before, especially when he wasn't entirely sure what the answers were himself. Thankfully he saved from having to try and explain his actions…or rather _inactions_, by another call coming through his cell phone.

It was a Chicago area code which immediately had Jane intrigued, Lisbon was still using her old cell number so unless she was calling from her work…well there was really only one way to find out. He excused himself from his conversation with Grace and picked up in the incoming call. "Hello?" Jane asked a little cautiously.

To his surprise, it was a man's voice who answered. "Is this Patrick Jane?"

"Yes but I seem to be at the disadvantage here," Jane replied.

"My name is Will…I'm Teresa's brother."

Ah yes the youngest of the Lisbon siblings and the one that he had yet to meet. He should have known. "Yes, Will. I've wanted to meet you for some time, had the pleasure of meeting James last night."

Will let out something that sounded like he was trying to cover up a laugh, no doubt he'd heard of the _meeting_ in detail and it certainly hadn't been described as _a pleasure_. "Yes, James mentioned that." There was an awkward moment of silence before he continued; "I actually called because I'd like to talk to you, in person if that is all right."

Jane was perfectly fine with meeting his brother in law except he had a feeling that this wasn't going to be a nice family chat by any means. He wasn't sure what Teresa had told her brothers about him over the years but it certainly wasn't all good, not with the way they'd reacted to her announcing their marriage.

But he knew Will was supposed to be the most levelheaded of the siblings. "Where can I meet you?"

Will named some bar that Jane only hoped wasn't rowdy, he knew Will was a volunteer fireman and he was certain could trounce him if he wanted to. They said their goodbyes and hung up while Jane immediately called a cab to take him to meet the last of Lisbon's brothers.

The bar was a small place that was nearly empty, not a surprise given the time of day, it meant it wasn't hard to spot Will…and his other two brothers.

All three Lisbon brothers…this did not bode well.

_"This is going to be fun_,_"_ Jane thought to himself as he made his way over to the table. Well there were two old men at the bar; maybe one of them would call an ambulance if things got too rough. "Well, this is a nice family reunion," Jane remarked.

James just glared at him while the other two looked at him awkwardly. "Sit," James demanded of him.

Now Jane wondered if he would actually get out of this alive.

"Sit," Will told him, "have something to drink."

He did take a seat at the table but shook his head. "I'm all right, what did you want to talk about Will?"

"Teresa."

Not much of a surprise there. "I'm listening."

He looked at his brothers. "She needs to go back to California."

Hmm, this might not be so bad after all. "I couldn't agree more," Jane replied.

"Not for you," Will told him, "for her job."

"You need to sign the divorce papers," Tommy insisted. James remained silent…which was damn scary.

Jane considered it for a moment, idly tapping the table, his only sign that he was at all nervous. "I think that this is a conversation between your sister and me."

James didn't like that. "After everything you have done, after being a complete asshole you still won't give her the one thing she wants?"

"She doesn't want a divorce," Jane replied.

Will raised an eyebrow. "You seem certain of that."

He nodded. "I know her."

"And we know her."

"No, you don't."

That took all three of them by surprise. James gave him a very hard look. "Excuse me?"

But Jane was being serious. "Let's be honest. I have been by her side for over the past ten years. I have seen her at her worse and best. A lot of things happened between us, things that I'm quite certain she never told you about." The exchanged looks at that statement but Jane wasn't done yet. "Where were you three during that time?"

Tommy glared at him. "That isn't fair."

"No and giving her a divorce isn't fair either." Jane said, "Yes, I made a mistake...I'll admit that. But I refuse to give her a divorce when I know that this can be saved, I know that we can be happy. So feel free to beat me up or whatever plans you have for making me feel pain but know that I do love your sister and I'm going to prove it to her."

"And if you can't?" James asked.

Well Jane was sure it wouldn't come to that, or at least he knew he couldn't let it. But he decided to give them at least once concession. "If I can't and she wants to return here after the case is closed then I will grant her wish and give her the divorce. I have a right to salvage my marriage."

"Salvage? You weren't there when she needed you the most," James pointed out.

That hurt, it hurt mostly because it was true. "Thanks for reminding me." Jane replied, "What do you want me to say?"

"That you were an asshole who doesn't deserve her."

"Correct, I don't deserve her but she is my wife until I sign those papers." He relished saying that. "Until then I will do everything in my power to prove that she still love me despite what she feels."

"We should kill you."

Jane just grinned now. "Wouldn't be the first time someone in your family suggested that."

Tommy studied him for a moment. "You still don't deserve her."

"No, I don't," he agreed, "but I am in love with her. She saved me and I'm going to do the same for her."

"You expect us to just sit here and let you take her back to California to do God knows what?" James as him angrily, "What right do you have?"

"I'm her husband." Jane stated the obvious, "That gives me more of a right then you."

None of them liked that, even if it was true. "You haven't even seen each other in the last six months," Will reminded him.

"I know." Jane said, he looked down at the table, not willing to meet their eyes at this moment. "I should have come sooner. But I'm here now."

"You can't help her."

"That's where you're wrong." He replied, holding up one hand. "The truth is I'm the _only_ one who can. I'm the only one who actually feels the same pain she does, that was my child...this is my marriage. Hers and mine...but not _yours_."

"And what if you hurt her again?" Tommy asked? "Cause her more pain?"

"I'm not going to do that this time. I'm going to fix those mistakes."

James shook his head. "You can't fix mistakes."

"I've made a life out of trying."

"And where has all that trying gotten you?" James asked, thinking he'd won that argument.

But Jane didn't even hesitate. "Married to an amazing woman."

"Don't be an ass."

"I'm being honest." Jane explained, "My life was a total train wreck and somehow I stumbled upon your sister who helped me find my way out of the wreckage. I've taken that for granted and I hurt her more than once, too many times. But if you think I'm at all upset by the outcome you are sorely mistaken. I'm quite happy with how things turned out...at least before she ran away up to Chicago."

"She ran away from _you_."

"Yes she did, but I'm not letting her get away again." Jane stated firmly. "I'm a man who doesn't give up on what he wants. I want my wife and I mean to have her back."

"And if she doesn't want to be your wife anymore?" Will asked, "What if you are wrong?"

"I'm not wrong."

"And if you are? What if the only way to make her happy is to give her a divorce?"

Jane hated that thought. Life without Teresa was not something he wanted to picture, he'd already had more than a taste of it these past six months and he'd despised it entirely. "I'll give her what she wants…but I'm going to do my damndest to change her mind."

Will studied him for a long while before shaking his head. "I'm not sure if I want you to succeed or fail."

That made Jane smile a bit.

"I know what I want," James declared but that only made Jane grin more.

"I know," Jane replied, "You'll always hate me for marrying your sister."

"And getting her pregnant, making her lose her job…a lot, and for being a pain in the ass."

Now he laughed and nodded his head. "You won't get any arguments from me."

"But you still want to stay married to her?"

"Of course," he told them, "Your sister is extraordinary, no one else would still try and save me after the hell I put her through. I don't want to let a woman like that go." Jane smiled at them again, "and the truth is that it isn't your call. Yes, she is your sister and you certainly have a right to say how you feel but she's a grown woman who has made her own life and her own choices. And if that choice is me…then there isn't anything you can do about it."

James glared at him. "Oh there is _plenty_ we can do about it."

None of which would be pleasant. Jane sighed. "Look if you love your sister then you will let her make her own decisions. You said you want her to be happy again and I'm going to try. We all agree that she was happiest as a CBI agent and that's where she needs to be…and she was happy as my wife once. I want her to feel that way again.

Jane leaned back. "You can say what you want, that you are going to kill me that you will beat me up. You can all throw a punch if that will make you feel better but we all know that you are going to let me take her back to California so she can figure this out on her own. It's the only way that any of this will be resolved." He was quiet for a moment as he gave them each a smile. "But I am glad to finally have met all of you."

"Not sure if we can say the same," James muttered, "you were never my choice for a brother-in-law."

He laughed and shook his head. "No I don't think I was."

In this case, honesty was the only thing any of them could ask for.

* * *

_ Jane had been back at the CBI for a few days and things were the same…mostly. He was different. It wasn't easy to notice on the surface, he was the same smiling mischievous self that was charming and irritating at the same time._

_ But there was something different. He seemed lighter, like he wasn't holding the weight of the world on his shoulders anymore. There was a difference in how he looked too, as if he was sleeping more at night. The explanation was simple._

_ Jane was at peace._

_ Lisbon most certainly was _not_._

_ The whole team noticed that she was acting strangely. She was anxious, constantly ducking away and trying overly hard to act normal which meant she wasn't acting normal at all. Lisbon was still doing her job perfectly, but she was finding excuses to avoid any kind of interaction with her team outside of the job._

_ This was becoming hard for her though because Jane had been hinting ever since he came back that they needed to talk. She wasn't born yesterday; she knew that he wanted to talk about the night they had slept together. She didn't need a reminder though; it had been all she could think about._

_ Because now she was pregnant._

_ She didn't want to talk to him about it though, she was afraid that dropping that bomb would ruin the peace Jane had found now. So Lisbon was avoiding the conversation, even though she knew that there was no way she could hope to hide this from Jane forever._

_ So she wasn't exactly surprised when he confronted her in the bullpen while she tried to sneak away. She'd stayed late because of a management meeting, she knew the team would leave early and she assumed Jane would be with them. He must have planned this._

_ "Lisbon," he said and she actually winced before turning around to look at him._

_ "Jane, I thought you would have left by now." Her voice sounded fake even to her own ears._

_ He must have noticed her odd behavior because he gave her his knowing smile before walking over to her. "We need to talk."_

_ "About what?"_

_ Now his smile grew. "Oh, Lisbon, don't try to avoid this. You know who the master is, do you really want to try to outmaneuver me?"_

_ No she didn't._

_ Lisbon sighed and set her briefcase down. "All right, Jane. We'll talk."_

_ "You don't have to act like you are going to the gallows."_

_ "Jane," she stressed out his name to show maximum annoyance had been reached. She covered her eyes with her hands for a moment before looking back up at him again. "Look, do you want to talk first or should I?"_

_ Jane grinned now. "Oh I already know what you are going to say."_

_ "Oh really?" She scoffed at him, "you think you know what I'm thinking."_

_ "I know what's bothering you."_

_ "No, you don't," she told him confidently but a part of her was wondering if he had figured her out. Had he seen her throwing up in the bathroom that afternoon?_

_ His smile was confident. "You have been avoiding this all week because of what happened between us. You are afraid that it will affect our working relationship, which is why you are going to suggest that we forget all about it. That we chalk it up to high emotions and euphoria that follows surviving a dangerous situation and we go on with our lives. That is what you were going to say weren't you?"_

_ "No, not even close," she replied easily. Okay, she probably would have said that under most circumstances, except this was completely different now after she'd seen those two pink lines._

_ Jane looked a little surprised. "Really?"_

_ "You guessed wrong."_

_ He studied her for a moment and then smiled again. "You're lying."_

_ "No, I'm not." She was starting to get frustrated now with Jane and with herself. She had to tell him the truth, but this isn't how she wanted to do it, not that she'd planned it at all. "Look, are we done?"_

_ "No, I want to know why I'm wrong." His tone was teasing; he really thought she was lying. "If you don't tell me then I'll just assume that I'm right."_

_ "You're not right."_

_ "Then you'll have to tell me why I'm wrong."_

_ And the side of her that wanted to wipe that smile off of his face won out. She looked him right in the eye with a calm manner that she wasn't really feeling. "I'm pregnant."_

_ Lisbon could actually see the words registering in his mind because the cheery grin he had been sporting slowly melted away and his eyes grew wide with alarm. "You're right…I was not expecting that." He said numbly, as if it was the first thing that had popped in his head. Maybe it was her cool demeanor but then he asked, "Are you serious?"_

_ She looked at him incredulously. "No, Jane, I constantly make jokes about something like this."_

_ He held up a hand. "All right calm down I just…" Jane ran his hand through his hair and shook his head. "Are you sure?"_

_ She couldn't blame him for asking that. It had to be his last hope. "I took a test last week," she told him softly. Jane nodded at that bit of news but didn't say anything. He wasn't looking at her anymore and she honestly had no idea what he was thinking._

_ The silence was eating at her and the guilt. He had been at peace, he had been happy before and now…now he looked afraid._

_ "Jane, it's okay…I know you and I'm not upset." She assured him._

_ He finally met her gaze. "What is that supposed to mean?"_

_ "It means I'm not expecting anything."_

_ "You're not expecting anything from me," he finished for her, "the father of your child." His gaze was serious. "Just what _are_ you planning to do then?"_

_ "I don't know," she admitted, "I…I have _no_ idea what I'm going to do." Lisbon put her hands in her pockets and turned away. "Look, we don't have to talk about this right now."_

_ Jane grabbed her arm to stop her. "Then when are we going to talk about it? This isn't an issue that is just going to go away."_

_ "Jane, we just…we don't have to do this. I mean I wasn't even planning to tell you…right now," she tacked on the end quickly but Jane never missed anything._

_ "Nice save," he remarked and shook his head. He was irritated, that was obvious._

_ Lisbon sighed. "Jane, we both have a lot to think about. I'm just going to go home now." She picked up her briefcase and turned around to leave then, she thought that was the end of it, that Jane would quietly retreat back to the downtrodden person he used to be._

_ "What do you want?"_

_ Jane's voice made her stop in her tracks. She looked at him once more, she had no idea what he was thinking, those blue-green eyes were somber and serious. She shrugged. "What do you want, Jane?"_

_ For a long moment they just stared at each other, the silence stretching between them. Lisbon just nodded somberly. "Exactly."_

_ She turned around again and this time she really did leave. Lisbon didn't know what she would do now…and neither did Jane. And she had no idea what he wanted to do._

* * *

Lisbon took the bus home with a feeling of impending doom, she knew why. She had informed her boss of her decision to go back to California but had kept the job option open, still effectively she would be back at the CBI soon. That meant she was going to have to inform Jane of her decision, the last thing she wanted to do was please her husband. Still there might be a way for her to get what she wanted out of this arrangement too.

She stood in her kitchen with an opened bottle of beer and her phone on the counter. She tapped idly on the tile for several minutes before finally giving in and picking up her phone. Jane picked up after two rings. "Hello, dear."

"Don't call me that."

"All right then. Hello, Special Agent Teresa Marie Lisbon of the CBI."

Lisbon considered just hanging up the phone right then and there. "Do you want me to tell you why I called or should I just hang up right now?"

"Please continue."

She sighed. "Look, you should just come over, there are some things that we need to talk about and it shouldn't be done on the phone."

"I'll be there right away."

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Jane kept his word and arrived twenty minutes after she called him. Lisbon didn't really greet him at the door, just opened it and walked away. He raised an eyebrow at her obvious display of rudeness but didn't push it; she was in no mood to deal with his often-frustrating sense of humor. She leaned up against her kitchen counter and took a healthy swallow from the open beer bottle on the counter. "I'm sure you've figured out why I called you."

He nodded, a small smile on his lips. "You're going to come back to California."

"Maybe," Lisbon offered even if that wasn't entirely the truth. Her bags were already packed for the most part.

Jane raised an eyebrow. "Maybe?"

She straightened up. "I'll go back to California…_if_ you agree to sign the papers." She couldn't help but smile now. This was the perfect solution; they would each get what they wanted. She would go back to work the case and be able to get that divorce.

He stepped back, crossing his arms over his chest as he studied her. "I want to make sure I'm understanding this completely. You are saying that you will go back to Sacramento _if_ I sign the divorce papers…meaning if I don't then you will stay here."

"That's right," Lisbon said. All she needed was for him to say yes and that would be the end of this.

Jane stood there with a sly grin on his face and then shook his head. "No."

"What?"

"No, I'm not agreeing to that."

Well now she would just have to stand her ground. "Then I'm not going back."

"Oh yes you are."

"So you will sign the papers?"

"Absolutely not."

Lisbon let out a groan. "This is ridiculous. Just sign the papers and I'll go back to California."

"I'm not going to sign the papers because we both know you are going to go back no matter what I do," Jane stated.

She shook her head even as she struggled to lie. "That's…that's not true."

"Of course it is. You are not only a professional but also a bit of a control freak, there is no way you are just going to stay here when you are needed in Sacramento," he pointed out confidently. "You probably already have your bags packed. So why should I agree to a divorce when you are going to come back anyways?"

"Sign the papers."

"No."

"_Please_, sign the papers."

"No."

Lisbon let out a strangled shriek. "God I hate you! You are so selfish it isn't even funny."

"You knew that when you married me." He pointed out with a smirk.

"Which is why I'm trying to fix the biggest mistake of my life!"

Jane looked a little hurt by that but he shrugged it off with a shake of his head. "Do you ever get tired of the same argument between us?

"Yes, that's why I'm trying to end this marriage." She explained with a ragged sigh. "Do you really think this is successful?"

"No, but it is kind of hard to be successful while your wife is in another state." He told her calmly.

That wasn't a bad point, except that their marriage had fallen apart before she left California. Lisbon sighed. "Look. We can both be adults about this. We rushed into a marriage and it was a very bad idea, it's over. I want to be a professional and do my job...can you please just sign the papers so that we can both make a fresh start?"

Jane shook his head, "I'm not going to sign those papers just because you want the easy way out."

She raised an eyebrow. "The easy way out?"

"Marriage is supposed to be hard work."

Lisbon rolled her eyes. "I know that. But it's not supposed to be impossible either. We failed, Jane. We just...all we ever did was hurt each other in the end."

A soft look appeared on his face as he stepped closer to her. "We had good times, too." Jane reminded her, "We just allowed ourselves to get caught up in our pain, which is why I'm not signing the papers. We owe it to ourselves to work through our problems."

She shook her head sadly. "I'm not sure if we can be fixed."

"You always saw the negative side in things, my dear."

"You're one to talk."

"Yes, but I only see the positive sides of things now and if we don't speed this up we are going to be late."

"Late for what?"

"Our flight leaves in three hours."

"Flight? You already got plane tickets?" Lisbon asked completely stunned.

Jane grinned. "Of course, don't you think I know my own wife? I knew you were going to come whether or not I sign those papers, which is why I'm _not_ going to sign them because really, this ultimatum never had any weight behind it in the first place. The only thing I can offer is that by coming back to Sacramento you'll have the opportunity to try and convince me to. You won't succeed but I'm certain you'll do your best."

She glared at him, a seething mass of anger. "I hate you."

He smiled smugly. "Do you need help with your luggage or shall I call us a cab?"

"I'm guessing you got us seats next to each other?"

"A husband and wife should sit together."

"But of course!" She said sarcastically.

"You still love me just admit it. I will call us a cab and then come help you finishing packing, dear."

She watched him head towards the door, gaping at him really. The man was insufferable, a jackass who had no shame. How could he just presume this? _"I swear I'm going to shove him out of the plane_," she thought.

"That wouldn't be nice." Jane said from the doorway.

"What?"

"Shoving me out of the airplane."

She blinked twice, startled by his intuition. "How...?"

"Our minds are in sync, remember? I always know what you are thinking."

Lisbon crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him. "What am I thinking now?"

"Nothing very ladylike I assure you."

Well he was right.

* * *

A/N: Hmmm I hope things are becoming a bit more clear but you won't get the full picture until later hehehe (I know, I suck) but things should be even more interesting when they get back to Sacramento and the case picks up while Jane still tries to salvage their marriage. Oh and next chapter you'll get a peek at the infamous wedding!


	4. To Love, Honor and Cherish

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N: Wow this took a lot longer than I intended but real life has been a pain in the butt recently. Next week things should lighten up for me so I can relax at least a little bit a write some more. But this chapter is SUPER long so hopefully that will make up.

**Anonymous Reviews:**

**Carla:** LOL they both are at fault for their relationship reaching this point, you'll see that soon.

**Guest:** I love Jane calling Lisbon his wife too, it's the best part about writing this fic LOL. You'll find out what happened to the baby. I'm so glad you are enjoying this fic, and I loved writing some of the lines you liked hehehe

**wickyvicky:** You'll find out how Lisbon lost the baby eventually, it's very sad.

**Jessica:** Good! I'm glad you like it

**Guest:** I know how RL can be mean sometimes. LOL you'll love Jane even more I promise

**Guest:** Thanks! I'm glad you love it!

**Guest:** It is angsty and fun, something satisfying about Jane and Lisbon being man and wife LOL

**Guest:** LOL Jane's wooing is amusing and fun all at the same time. I think you'll enjoy it.

**Maru: **Gracias para leyendo, me espero te gusta el capitulo.

* * *

Chapter 4: To Love, Honor and Cherish

Jane wasn't kidding when he told her that their flight was in three hours. He'd been certain that she would want to come back to California no matter what they decided on their marriage. Her attempt to get him to promise to a divorce had been a nice try but it was going to take a lot more than a half effort negotiation to get him to agree to sign away their marriage. Fortunately he was even more persistent in getting her to change her mind.

His wife was mostly packed as he'd known she would be so there was nothing to delay them from getting to the airport beyond her saying goodbye to her brothers. Lisbon chose quick phone calls rather than talking to them face to face, she wasn't really sentimental and Jane had the hunch that she was afraid they would try and make her stay. She didn't know that they very much wanted her to go back to California…but not with her husband.

They shared a silent cab ride to the airport and while she quietly sulked, Jane looked downright blissful. Of course he was happy, he was getting exactly what he wanted! He was at least a gentleman when they arrived at the airport, opening her door for her and helping her with her bags. She didn't thank him, just gave him an indifferent look before snatching her luggage away.

Jane led her to the counter where they were supposed to check in. "Yes there should be two seats, Mr. and Mrs. Patrick Jane."

Yes of course he would reserve their tickets under that name.

Lisbon bit her tongue while they checked their luggage; she wanted to hit him for blatantly broadcasting their marriage. She knew it was all for her benefit. The woman behind the counter finished checking their tickets and handed them their boarding passes. "You and your wife sure make a cute couple. Enjoy your flight."

"Thank you, my wife and I will," Jane flashed his most charming smile, making the woman blush and titter.

Okay, so she might not want Jane as her husband anymore but he was still her husband, which meant this hussy better stop flirting.

Lisbon snatched up her boarding pass and immediately stomped towards security, not waiting for Jane for a second. He caught up with her fairly quickly. "Slow down, my dear. The plane isn't going anywhere."

She rolled here eyes and kept walking but had to slow down once she was forced to endure security. She didn't have her badge, which meant she had to actually had to wait and be searched, that sucked. They both piled their bags to be scanned, took off their shoes and emptied their pockets, walking through the metal detectors in stocking feet.

They grabbed their bags and leaned against the wall to put their shoes back on. One of the security guards on his break nodded at them. "You and your wife have a nice flight."

Dear God what was with the world? She wasn't even wearing her wedding ring but she might as well be wearing a sandwich board that said 'I'm Patrick Jane's Wife!' emblazoned on the front.

Lisbon was simmering in frustrated anger during their walk to the gate. She hated that she was doing this, hated that her seat was right next to Jane's, hated that everyone seemed to automatically know that she was married to him.

"Why did you have to do that," she hissed

"If I'm not mistaken I haven't done anything," he pointed out with an amused smile.

"You got us seats together under your name."

"Your point?"

She glared at him. "We are not married."

"In the legal sense we are."

Lisbon just huffed at him. "I'm not having this argument with you again."

"Why? Afraid you won't be able to win?"

She narrowed his eyes at him, he was right but that didn't mean he had to be so damn smug about it. "You're a jackass always have been."

"Didn't seem to bother you before and it certainly didn't bother you while we were _happily_ married."

They stopped at a nearby coffee place and he ordered, "Can I get a tea and my wife here will have a coffee."

Lisbon gritted her teeth. "I am not your wife!"

"She doesn't like to travel," Jane explained to the server who was looking at them.

She grabbed the drink from the server and walked away from Jane towards the small airport bar.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm not about to sit on a plane with you without something stronger than coffee." She shot back, not pausing for a second until she made it to the bar. "Can you make this an Irish coffee?" Lisbon asked the bartender, who nodded and went to work.

"Irish coffee?"

She tensed up at the sound of Jane's voice but didn't look at him. "Yes?"

"Interesting."

Now she turned her head to glare at him. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing," Jane replied as the bartender handed the cup of coffee back to Lisbon and the two of them walked towards the waiting chairs.

"How is it?" Jane asked as he sat down.

"Not strong enough."

Jane looked dismayed at her words. For a moment all he did was look at her, studying her like he did a suspect. "You know after this case we should seek you some help."

She took another sip of her drink, enjoying the buzz from the alcohol. "That is a good idea."

"Really?"

"Yes, but I don't think they have support groups for people that have to deal with Patrick Jane." She swallowed another sip of the brew, the alcohol making her feel slightly better. "Granted we would make tons of money for everyone you have ever annoyed."

For once Jane wasn't amused. "Very funny."

"I thought it was," she smirked and took a sip of coffee enjoying the flavor that the Irish whiskey added to it.

As time past more people started to show up and Lisbon started to get antsy.. "You are fidgeting," Jane whispered into ear making her jump. "You have nothing to fear about flying, it is one of the safest forms of transport."

"I'd rather drive."

"Of course you would, makes sense."

"Excuse me?"

Jane smiled at her knowingly. "You like to be in control and when flying you give up that control which is the same reason you hate to have me drive."

"You drive like a manic," She pointed out.

"According to you."

"Bite me."

An elderly gentleman had been sitting nearby with a book in his hand. He looked up and smiled at them. "My wife and I used to fight like that all the time."

"Really?" Jane asked with a smile as he wrapped his arm around Lisbon shoulders. She seethed at the intimate gesture but didn't move away.

"Yes, it was our thing. Pretend to hate each other but deep down we loved each more than anything. She fought with me until the very end."

"I'm sorry," Jane replied simply. Now Lisbon felt sad too, ashamed that she'd been so frustrated with this man for bringing up her relationship with Jane.

"It's okay, it was her time. I hope you two get the same joy out of life together that she and I did," the man stated before walking away from them.

"Nice man," Jane turned his head to Lisbon.

Now that the old man was gone she stopped even having a modicum of manners. "Remove your arm before I break it."

"No need for violence, dear."

"Don't do that."

"What?"

"Call me dear or any of your other pet names that you have for me," Lisbon hissed.

"Not even..." He whispered something into her ear and she blushed.

"Especially not that," she told him as she pushed him away. Just then the announcement of boarding was made and Lisbon groaned. A flight back to CA with Jane next to hear the entire time, what is the worse that can happen. With him...everything.

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The nearly five-hour flight to Sacramento was long, longer for someone who hadn't slept much the past few nights. Lisbon sat down and looked out the window, refusing to acknowledge her husband who took the seat beside her. She still didn't speak to him after take off. The only time she met his eyes was when the flight attendant came by with the beverage cart she was tempted to order another Irish coffee but Jane's disapproving look stopped her cold. Instead she settled for a Diet Coke and then picked at the bag of pretzel pieces.

Not long after that she leaned back against the seat and closed her eyes so she didn't have to look at her husband or the darkening sky.

She hated being on a flight with Jane; it brought back too many memories. They had flown together dozens of times over the years because of cases, including one time that had ended with two flight attendants rushing over to shush them both because she was yelling and he was laughing.

Then there was the last time they'd flown together. It wasn't a long flight, from Sacramento to Las Vegas and the time had passed by even faster from the excitement. The first one was filled with anticipation; let it be known that the entirety of her engagement took place on Delta airlines in first class.

The second time was worse. It was after a day and two nights filled with absolute bliss. They'd barely kept their hands off each other the whole flight and finally when someone asked Jane was the one who confirmed of their very recent nuptials. A lot of congratulations had followed after that and Lisbon had actually beamed with pride at being introduced as Patrick Jane's wife.

That was a lifetime ago when she thought they would be a family, that they would be happy, that their marriage was built from rock and stone. Instead she'd recognized it had been a façade, it wasn't made out of anything strong but rather was a house of cards built on a foundation of sand, easily destroyed at the slightest disturbance.

She hated the memories of their very brief moment of wedded bliss, because those moments were lies that masked the truth.

Eventually her thoughts dimmed and she drifted into blackness. It wasn't until the plane started to descend that she finally began to stir and she realized she'd actually fallen asleep. It took her a moment to get her bearings but she didn't move.

"It's all right, you can sleep a little longer, we aren't quite there yet."

Jane's voice immediately cleared her foggy mind and she finally saw that she had not only fallen asleep but had actually rested her head on his shoulder in her sleep.

She sat up immediately as if she'd been bitten. "I didn't mean to do that."

"Do what?" Jane asked, "Use my shoulder? I have no complaints." Lisbon snorted and shook her head but Jane pressed on. On a flight from Las Angeles you spent the whole time snoring and drooling on my shoulder, we weren't even married then. Why should you be embarrassed now?"

"I'm not embarrassed," she told him, "and I don't drool."

"We shared a bed, believe me, you definitely drool."

Like everything Jane did or said these days, it ticked her off. "Screw you. You better keep your promise when this is over. You sign the papers and we go our separate ways."

"I never promised to sign the papers." Jane reminded her calmly, "I said you could try and convince me to sign the papers, not that I would."

She groaned and shook her head. "You are doing this on purpose, aren't you? As some sick game of yours."

"No game. Just a simple truth. I don't want a divorce."

"But I do." She told him.

"And that's _my_ battle," he explained, "to prove to you that you don't want one either

Lisbon stared at him, stunned by his confidence. "Jane, you may be able to charm your way out of everything but this is one battle that you won't win."

"We'll see"

They didn't speak for a while after that, the plane landed and they made their way out of the gate and collected their baggage. Lisbon thought about calling a cab but Jane cut her to the chase. "My car is here."

She debated over her desire to get away from her husband and her hatred at calling a taxi at the airport. At the moment, cab drivers beat out her husband in the list of things she despised. "Fine," she said, slinging her bag over her shoulder, "just take me somewhere I can stay until this is over."

"Of course."

Lisbon threw her bags into Jane citroen and hauled herself into the passenger seat, the one she'd been in thousands of times over the years. She was tired from the flight and tired of being so depressed and sad, most of all she was tired of being assaulted by the painful memories of what should have been a happy time in her life.

She rested her forehead against the glass and closed her eyes, sleep would have been nice but it didn't come. Instead she kept thinking about how she was back in the city she loved and hated, the one of her greatest triumph and deepest shame. Tomorrow she would have go back to the CBI to the whispers of her marriage and the sympathetic look of her team. Lisbon didn't know how long Jane drove but she opened her eyes when the engine stopped. She blinked once and then twice but the image didn't go away.

It was a good sized townhouse with white walls and soft blue trim, it was well built with thick walls to keep from having to hear disturbing neighbors. The front yard was small but across from a large park and she knew the backyard was twice as big with more than enough room for a play area for children. She knew every inch of this house because she and Jane had bought it together.

"You son of a bitch."

"Excuse me?"

She gave him a look of pure malevolence. "Get me away from here. Now!"

"You said to take you somewhere you could stay," Jane reminded her, "you can stay here."

"I don't _want_ to be here."

"Why not?"

"You know why!"

"This is a large house with comfortable furniture all to your taste," Jane told her, "You don't have to pay obscene amounts of money to stay in a ratty hotel when you can live in your home for free. You don't have to live out of a suitcase either, all of your things are _here_."

Lisbon stared at the dark blue front door and felt a tear fall down her cheek. "Please," she actually begged, "please don't make me stay here."

Jane sighed but didn't move an inch, didn't put the key back in the ignition. He knew this was killing her…but he still didn't give in to her pleas.

Anger and hatred replaced her pain. "Fine!" She hissed slapping open the door. She didn't wait for Jane to unlock the door, using the key that she'd hidden on the ledge above it.

Then she was standing in the front entrance the stairs led to the main floor which had her living room, kitchen and dining area, straight ahead was the lower level that could be used as a basement or game room, they hadn't decided. The laundry room was off to the side.

Lisbon stomped up the stairs and saw her living room. The same couches she'd selected to go with their new home, deciding that the ones from her old apartment were too small and Jane hadn't brought a stick of furniture into the marriage. All she could do was stare at the home she had happily decorated. There were all of her pictures, the ones of her family, the team…her and Jane. Worst of all, the lone wedding picture taken at the casino chapel, she was smiling like an idiot in that picture, what a fool she'd been.

"You can take your things back to the bedroom," Jane told her, his voice a little low, the only indication that he was affected by this too.

She knew which bedroom he meant but she'd be damned if she'd sleep in that room, in that bed.

Lisbon grabbed her bag and headed up the second flight of stairs to the third floor that had three bedrooms and two bathrooms. She ignored the master bedroom entirely but stopped at the second door.

She stared at the solid white wood and tried so hard not to fall to the carpet and cry. This was the room she hated the most, the one she never wanted to see again. And here she was, all she had to do was turn the knob and she would be able to see the white crib, the rocking chair in the corner, the white dresser that held exactly three onesies and one sleeper. She knew every detail of that room and she hated the mere thought of it.

Lisbon finally was able to turn away from the door and instead walked to the final bedroom. The sparse guestroom she hadn't finished decorating. She slammed the door hard and locked it, making sure Jane knew that this was not welcome in the least.

But not even in this room could she escape, not really.

After their wedding and the purchase of this home she'd decided she wanted a new bed for their master suite. Jane had teased her old fashioned views of the marriage bed until she made the point that they would have to use her old bed otherwise, making a subtle hint about the other men in her past. She just kept it to herself that most of her sex life had taken place at their places, the only man she'd taken home was Jane.

So her old bed had become the guest bed. Which was a bad choice now since this was her bed, the place where they had spent the first couple weeks of their marriage. The place where they had truly made love for the first time…the place where Jane had actually said the two words that changed her life.

She collapsed onto the mattress unable to stop herself from crying, burying her face in the pillow to quiet her sobs.

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_ Several days after Lisbon let it slip that she was pregnant, things still weren't good between them at all. They were tense and awkward with each other, both avoiding any chance to be alone for the most part. If the rest of the team noticed then they didn't say anything, at least not to their faces, Lisbon was sure that they were talking about them in private. But she didn't really care about that, she was too busy trying to figure out what the hell she was going to do about all of this._

_ She was pregnant. Pregnant with Jane's child. She'd stopped hoping for the first and never dreamed of the latter but here she was with a mini Jane growing in her womb and absolutely no idea of what to do. These were the thoughts that were plaguing her as she lay in bed trying to sleep, trying to figure out what was going to happen now._

_ Jane was irrational at best; she could never guess what he was thinking on a good day, she couldn't imagine what he would do now. Lisbon knew that their night together must have been a fluke, brought on by "high emotions and euphoria" as he had said. He might not want this._

_ Did she want this? Lisbon had always wanted to be a mother but had begun to believe that the opportunity had slipped away. When she had envisioned it she had never thought she might have to do it alone. And this would be inconvenient for her with her job and her life; God knew how her brothers would react. Could she really do it? Could she really carry a child for nine months and then raise it all by herself?_

_ Or would she have to?_

_ Lisbon thought back to what happened earlier that day when she'd taken a moment away from their latest case. She'd been feeling nauseous all day, which wasn't anything new, but a wave of fatigue had followed along with some dizziness and she'd taken a few moments to sit down at her desk, resting her head in her arms so that it would pass. She might have drifted off a little or maybe she'd just been lost in her thoughts, she hadn't even heard Jane come in until he'd softly laid a hand on her shoulder and asked, "Are you all right?"_

_ She had blinked up at him for a moment before answering the question. "Yeah, I'm fine."_

_ He must not have believed her because he had still looked concerned. "Are you sure?"_

_ "Yeah," she'd said, "I'm just a little tired and dizzy but they said that's normal."_

_ Jane caught the 'they' and interpreted it correctly. "You saw a doctor."_

_ She'd nodded. "I just, I wanted to make sure it wasn't a false positive or anything…" then she had just felt compelled to tell him, "I'm fine…everything is fine."_

_ Then to her surprise Jane had actually looked relieved, she thought he might have even smiled at her words, just a little softening of the lips. It had stayed with her all day. She didn't know if Jane was coming around to the idea of having another child or if he was just happy for her sake, it was hard to tell with him._

_ These troubled thoughts stayed with her but Lisbon eventually gave into fatigue and fell asleep. That is until she woke up in the middle of the night, one glance at her clock told her that it was almost two in the morning. She was about to dismiss it and turn back over to go back to sleep but soft footsteps up the stairs immediately put her on alert._

_ She didn't even think about it but grabbed her gun from her nightstand and rolled off the bed, ready to defend herself against the intruder. When the door open Lisbon had her gun pointed right at him, her finger steady on the trigger._

_ Jane saw the gun and immediately threw up his hands. "It's just me."_

_ Relief flooded her system and for the first time she felt her heart rate pounding. "Dammit, Jane," she exclaimed, "What the hell are you doing here?"_

_ "Why don't you lower the gun and I'll explain."_

_ That's right, she still had her gun on him. Quickly she lowered it and put it on the table beside her bed. "Okay, Jane, why did you break into my house at two in the morning?"_

_ He stepped forward and stood casually at the foot of her bed. "I wanted to talk to you."_

_ "And this couldn't wait until a decent hour?"_

_ "I wanted to do this as soon as possible."_

_ No need to ask what subject he had in mind. Now her heart was pounding for a different reason entirely, she was so afraid of what he might say. She sat down on her bed but didn't look at him; she toyed with her hands, twisting her fingers into one another. "You don't have to do this right now, Jane," She told him softly, still not looking up at him, "I haven't even decided what I want to do yet."_

_ "Yes you have."_

_ Lisbon gave him an annoyed look. "No, I haven't."_

_ "I know what you want."_

_ "That's not true." She looked away from him again; realizing that one of her hands was resting on her stomach. She did that a lot now whenever she thought about the baby. Suddenly the bed dipped a little, Jane had come over to sit down beside her. She met his eyes and was caught off guard by what she saw._

_ His eyes burned with an intensity she'd rarely seen in him, but he wasn't filled with determination but something else. She almost didn't want to think it because what if she was just seeing what she wanted to see…but Jane looked content and peaceful and God help her…happy. A soft smile was turning up the corners of his lips and he looked so comfortable and at ease._

_ Jane reached over and gently took her hand in his, threading their fingers together. "You want to have this baby," he told her quietly. His other hand came up to tilt her chin up so she was still staring in his eyes, he cupped her face tenderly and Lisbon was having a hard time reminding herself to breathe. "And I want to have this baby." His smile grew and he looked at her almost teasingly. "Which means we are in complete agreement."_

_ "It's not that simple, Jane," Lisbon said, her voice was low and husky; she barely heard it over the sound of her pounding heart._

_ "Why not?" He replied and sweetly brushed the hair away from her eyes. His fingertips left a warm trail on her skin that thrilled her._

_ It took Lisbon a moment to reorganize her thoughts; it was so hard for her to think clearly when Jane was this close, his warm breath fanning her face. "We'd be having a baby. Our lives would change, we'd have to make plans and figure out how we would be able to even do this."_

_ "We will," he told her simply, "we will work everything out when we have to because we both want this." Jane actually grinned a little now and his free hand covered her hand, which was still resting on her stomach. "I want this."_

_ "But, Jane, are you—."_

_ Jane interrupted her question by pressing his lips to hers. It took her a moment to even realize what was happening, Jane was kissing her and she was still trying to figure out what he really wanted. After a moment of his loving ministrations she gave in and kissed him back whole-heartedly._

_ This kiss was different from before when their emotions had been so high and she'd clung to him, afraid she'd never have that chance again. This one was languid and soft, tender and slow, as if he wanted to take his time…or that they had all the time in the world. He gently pushed her onto the bed so she was lying down again but Jane didn't move to progress any further. Instead he broke the kiss, pulling away but lying on his side next to her, still smiling sweetly._

_ "Why did you do that?" she asked, realizing that she was smiling too._

_ He leaned over and kissed her again softly. "Because I wanted to."_

_ She raised an eyebrow. "You wanted to talk, you want to have the baby, you wanted to kiss me. It seems like you are determined to get exactly what you want," she teased him lightly._

_ "I won't argue with that," he replied. Jane reached over and threaded his fingers through her hair, gently massaging her head and the base of her neck._

_ His touch was soothing and gently luring her back into her drowsy state but she was determined to fight it. "Jane, this doesn't solve everything, we still have to decide things…"_

_ "Shhhh," he said, still keeping up the gentle massage, "You should sleep."_

_ "I was asleep," she murmured, her eyes slipping closed, "someone broke into my home and woke me."_

_ "Well that someone isn't sorry in the least."_

_ "Good," she whispered and didn't stop herself from snuggling close to him. And when Jane gently whispered 'sleep' in her ear, she did._

* * *

The night with Lisbon back in their home was entirely silent. She refused to come out of the guestroom for anything, which wasn't exactly surprising. Jane knew that she wasn't going to appreciate being taken back to their home, not when she was bound and determined to write off their marriage entirely.

He did have a moment of guilt when he pressed his ear against the door to the guestroom and heard the unmistakable sound of her muffled sobs. Jane knew this wasn't easy for her, he understood why she felt the urge to just run away and cut away all of the memories that were associated with her pain. IF she were even somewhat happy with that then maybe he would even let her go.

But she wasn't.

Someone moving on with their life didn't feel the need to find solace in a bottle, especially not someone who has seen the terrible effects of it. He was worried about her; he hated seeing her fall like this. Unfortunately the only way he could help her was when she was finally willing to admit that she needed it.

So the first night of their "reconciliation" was spent with Lisbon locked in the guestroom and Jane alone in their room, fighting the urge to force her to talk.

He didn't hear her up yet in the morning so either she was still sleeping or she was lying in bed trying to figure out how the hell she got into this situation. He had a feeling it was the latter. Jane went downstairs early, deciding it wouldn't be a bad idea to try and play the part of the perfect husband by making a big breakfast he knew she would love. Lisbon always appreciated it when he cooked for her, mostly because she hated cooking.

Jane smiled when he heard the door to the guestroom open and then the shower start to run in the guest bathroom. Well at least she'd finally decided to get up and do her job, that was one thing Lisbon could be depended on. He was putting several perfectly crisp slices of bacon on a plate when she finally came down looking fresh and almost managed to hide the fact that she'd spent most of the night crying instead of sleeping.

It was almost like before when their short marriage had been happy. It wasn't unusual for him to rise early and fix them both something for breakfast while she came down to a nice surprise. Of course the difference between then and now was that Lisbon was scowling at him.

"What's this?" She asked, staring at the food.

"Breakfast," Jane pointed out, "generally thought of as the first meal of the day."

Lisbon just rolled her eyes and headed straight for the one thing that always mattered the most to her in the mornings: the full pot of coffee. She poured herself a steaming mug and swallowed the hot brew down, before moving away from the kitchen entirely.

"Aren't you going to eat?" Jane asked.

"I'm fine," she insisted.

Now it was Jane's turn to look exasperated. "Going hungry to prove a point is ridiculous."

Lisbon gave him an annoyed expression. "Believe it or not, Jane, I'm not that petty. I skip breakfast all of the time, it isn't going to kill me."

Jane's gaze turned down to her waist, she'd never been a big woman to begin with but there was no mistaking how much smaller she was now. If she lost a few more pounds and she'd look downright emaciated. "I wouldn't be so sure."

"You're one to talk. How many meals did you miss when you were hunting for Red John?"

"This isn't about me." He pointed out.

"No, it is entirely about you."

He raised an eyebrow at that comment. "I'm not the one drinking all night and only having coffee all day. We can decide which one has healthier habits at the moment if you would like, but I'm prepared to win this fight."

"You're not my mother, Jane."

"No, I'm your husband."

"You're not my husband," Lisbon stated. "You're just a big mistake."

He was actually stunned by that statement. There was no way he could hide how much that hurt him, to be called that. "Of everything you have ever said to me, that is the vilest."

She crossed her arms over her chest and maintained eye contact. "Honesty isn't always nice."

Jane clenched his jaw and started angrily tossing the untouched food into the trashcan. "The things I would like to say to you."

"Why are you holding back? You never did before." She was taunting him now, her anger and pain making her unusually brazen.

"Why are you doing this?" Jane asked her, "Why are you so determined to make me angry."

"Is it any different then what we've always done?" She asked him. "You think our marriage was good? This is our marriage, Jane? Fighting over scrambled eggs and bacon. All we ever wanted to do at the end was hurt each other."

"That's not true," Jane insisted. "I never wanted to hurt you."

Lisbon shook her head. "Maybe it's not what you wanted…but you did. All of the time. In so many ways you destroyed me over the years all to get to Red John…how is this any different."

"Red John is gone," he reminded her, "I can't hurt you to get to him anymore."

"No," she agreed softly, "that's why this time you hurt me the most…because when I was hurt…you didn't have an excuse."

He couldn't argue that point; he knew that there wasn't any way he could refute that he'd failed her here. But she'd given as good as she'd got too. The difference was that he still wanted to save it. "I still want to fix this."

She scoffed. "You're always good at that too…but you always tear me down again." She stuck her now lukewarm coffee in the sink and grabbed her keys. "I assume my car is still in the garage."

"I haven't touched it."

"Good," she replied, "I'll get my badge from Bertram and meet the team back at the office. Then when this is over you can sign those papers and we can move on with our lives."

Jane was quiet for a moment and she turned to walk away. "I'm not signing the papers, Teresa." She stopped to glare at him and he smiled back. "You're going to have to try a lot harder to make me give up hope."

Lisbon looked like she was ready to throttle him but he didn't back down. Instead she turned and headed back downstairs where he heard the door to the garage slam shut. Jane stayed in the kitchen as he heard her car start up and then she drove away. He didn't want to leave for the moment,

He did need to lick his own wounds too.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Despite the argument in the kitchen, Jane walked back into the CBI bullpen radiating confidence. It was going to take a lot more than angry words to get him to dissolve his marriage. He'd spent ten years hunting down a serial killer; Lisbon had to see eventually that when he put his mind to something, he would never give up until he succeeded.

The rest of the team was already in the bullpen when Jane showed up. Even young Abby, the temporary intern that had been assigned to their section. Many young ones like her had come and gone over the years but she was undoubtedly the sweetest, he almost wished she'd chosen a different line of work; she was far too innocent for such darkness.

"Hello, Jane," she said sweetly, on her way out of the door with a stack of reports that needed to be filed.

He smiled and greeted her as she walked away while the rest of the team stared at him without the softness of the young woman. "So?" Cho asked, "is she here?"

"I told you I wasn't leaving Chicago without my wife."

"Then where is she?"

"Getting her badge from Bertram," Jane explained, "If she's going to help us work the case then she's going to need it."

Cho nodded. "Does she still want a divorce?"

He flinched then. Jane would have preferred keeping the newest complication in their marriage between him and his wife but that had gone out the window when the sweaty courier had walked into the bullpen and served him with divorce papers.

"Well that answers that question," Cho stated and Jane had to smile at the man's intuition.

"Have no fear, I'm not going to give up."

"You do realize that you are messing with Lisbon here?" Rigsby stated. "The most stubborn person beside you."

Jane waved that off. "Oh I'm not saying it will be easy. But I'm confident that she will come around in the end."

"Or kill you."

He shrugged. "Then she won't need a divorce."

"No she'll just need a defense lawyer."

Cho grunted. "Every judge in the state would let her off."

He grinned at the other agent. "Thanks Cho, always nice to know that you care."

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Lisbon still remembered the day she told Bertram that she was married to Jane, she'd been certain the man was ready to fill out a 51-50 form. He'd wanted to know what blow to the head had been responsible for her decision-making. When she'd informed him that she was also pregnant she was ready to stand by in case his head exploded. Oddly enough the day she told him she wanted a sabbatical he didn't say a word.

Now when she asked for her badge back, he asked the obvious question. "Are you back with Jane?"

"No," she answered honestly.

"Are you divorcing him?"

"That's really none of your business."

He'd tried fishing a little more but she'd shut down entirely, it didn't really matter though, he figured out for himself that she wasn't there to reconcile with her husband. In the end he gave up on getting any dirt and handed her back her badge. She walked out of the door certain she heard him say, "Glad you came to your senses."

Lisbon wasn't sure if he meant coming back to work or divorcing Jane…maybe both.

There was no way she could ignore all of the eyes that followed her as she made her way through the halls of the CBI. In the elevator she shared the box with two agents from financial crimes that could not stop staring at her as if she were a celebrity or a ghost come back to haunt the CBI.

Finally she had enough. "Yeah, I'm back, you can stop staring."

The elevator dinged and Lisbon made her way into the hallway. More stunned expressions followed with some people literally stopping in their tracks. She pretended they weren't there until she finally walked into the bullpen.

The team was at their desks and Jane was on his couch, as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened at all. Jane noticed her first of course; he smiled at her with that arrogant know-it-all smile of his. "Hello, dear."

She scowled at him for calling her that but it did get the attention of the rest of the team. They all looked up one by one and while there was some gaping it was quickly covered up. Cho greeted her with a simple, "Boss," and a nod of his head. The others didn't say anything.

Lisbon felt awkward, like the prodigal son coming back. She knew why she'd left, why she'd had to get away but she did feel a lot of guilt for literally leaving her team without a word. They hadn't done anything wrong. Maybe that wasn't just surprise in their eyes…but a little anger too.

She couldn't really blame them if it was.

"I looked over the case file," she began lamely, "We can talk about what you guys have done and where we'll go next. I'm just going to go to my office for a minute."

Lisbon backed out of the room, still feeling like a leper. The weird part was having to unlock her office door like this, it felt wrong, like she was trying to go back to something that didn't exist anymore.

Her office was dark and at least the cleaning crew had come by to dust the place somewhat. Her pictures were still around the room, not one of her and Jane after their marriage. She didn't put up a wedding picture, that should have been an obvious clue that their marriage was doomed.

She set her briefcase on the desk and started turning back on the lights and setting things back to the way they should be. This was how she was supposed to be, this is the job she had done for over ten years and she done a damn good job. Except this wasn't going to be her job anymore. Once this case was over she was quitting, moving back to Chicago and leaving behind the mistakes she'd made.

In a lot of ways she hated herself for even doing this, it was the opposite of who she was, leaving the job she loved because of a man. But her desire to get away from her shame was stronger than any feminist sensibilities she possessed. Sometimes there was no way to overcome mistakes and the best thing she could do was start over elsewhere.

Lisbon ran her fingertips over her badge, but could she really do this? Could she walk away from the job she loved and the team she adored?

It was so much easier to say yes when she hadn't been here.

She finally stood up from her desk, put her badge up and went out to the bullpen to be as business as usual. The first thing she noticed was the young girl with a stack of folders in her arms. "Can I help you?"

"I'm just giving Agent Cho the background check on Kelly Jenkins."

Lisbon nodded. "You can give those to me."

The young girl looked a little uncomfortable. "I need to give these to the head of the unit."

"I know."

"That's Agent Cho."

"No…it's not."

The woman blinked a couple of times. "But he's in charge of the serious crime unit."

"No, I am," Lisbon explained, "I'm his boss. Agent Lisbon."

Now she stared at her, eyes widened with recognition. "Oh… you're _the_ Agent Lisbon." Lisbon couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at being referred to that way, as if she was a celebrity or something. Not exactly what she was going for. "I mean I've heard about you obviously and I…I really would like to see you work and…and things."

Lisbon nodded her head, honestly not sure of what to think with this young girl. Should she be honored that she was being held in such high esteem or annoyed that a puppy wanted to follow her around?

"I'll take the files…" Lisbon trailed off realizing she had no idea who this person was.

"Abby…I mean Abigail…but you can call me Abby if you want."

"Okay, Abby," Lisbon said evenly, "I'll take the files and get back to work with my team."

Abby looked a little forlorn at not being mentioned as a part of the equation but Lisbon didn't know who this woman was or why she was there, obviously an intern of some kind. Until she could figure out if she was an mindless college kid or one who could actually crack it as a CBI agent in the future, she would do this her way.

Besides, she needed to shake the rust off herself first.

Lisbon brought the thick stack of files into the bullpen where the rest of the team, except Jane, were working. Her current and soon to be ex-husband was doing what he normally did in the bullpen…nothing. "Abby gave me the files on Kelly Jenkins's background," Lisbon announced.

Jane sat up smiling. "So you met our bright eyed intern."

"Apparently," she remarked, "I just don't want her underfoot while we work." She turned her back on Jane and faced the team. "We need to look into Red John. Cross check all of Kelly Jenkin's contacts with anyone Partridge is even remotely connected to. We know Red John had followers, they must have known her."

"It'll take a while," Rigsby pointed out.

"It's the only option we have," she replied, "there is a reason they chose Kelly."

Jane nodded his head. "But we need to look at why they are killing."

She finally turned to look at him, crossing her arms over her chest, "And you have ideas on that?"

"Don't you?"

Lisbon shrugged. "They want to carry on their master's work."

Jane scoffed. "They wouldn't have waited almost a year for that."

"Then what is their agenda?"

Jane looked at her very seriously though he didn't look overly concerned. "What is the natural reaction to having someone you love taken from you?"

She considered his words, she knew how to think from Jane's perspective and there was really only one thing that the sick game with Red John had revolved around. "Revenge," she finished and Jane smiled so she knew she got it right. "You think they want revenge on us."

"Why else would they choose a victim and a method that would ensure we get the case," Jane pointed out.

Cho raised his eyebrows. "Does this mean you two are going to go off on your own again?"

Lisbon rolled her eyes, the team still was annoyed that the eventual end to Red John had come from her and Jane, with no consultation from them. "That was different."

"Yes it was," Jane agreed, "She did exactly what I told her not to do."

"Yeah, and you never do that."

He grinned then, mostly because they all knew that he had no right to berate her for not following orders since he never did. "Regardless, in the end it was not planned, but it did ultimately succeed."

"This isn't about Red John, at least not directly," Lisbon interrupted, "these are his followers, we have to treat them differently."

"A group working together can be even more dangerous then a single man," Jane stated, "fortunately they will also be much more flawed."

"Meaning?"

"They have lost their anchor," Jane explained, "More than that, with various personalities there is bound to be friction in the group. If we can find a way to exploit it, they will spiral out of control and it will be easy to take them down after that."

His comments were sound; she could believe that without Red John his followers were like baby birds thrown out of the nest. "Unfortunately this all stems on us being able to find them."

"We will," Jane replied confidently, "now that you are back they will want to contact us, to make this all the more exciting. The game has begun and we have to wait for their next move."

Lisbon shivered a little, feeling like it was a year ago and she was still stuck in a chess game that could end with people she loved being killed. She thought she'd won that game.

She hadn't counted on another player stepping in.

* * *

Jane didn't overlook Lisbon's rather chilly reception by the team and he wasn't all that surprised. While they had all understood the pain she'd gone through and they certainly had been on her side initially, six months without any contact had upset them. They felt abandoned by their own mentor, not at all dissimilar to how Red John's followers must be feeling. Of course in this case, she had a chance to right this course, if she wanted to.

It did cross his mind that he could fail, that Lisbon could decide to dissolve their marriage entirely but he hated that idea. It was true, he hadn't given much thought for life after Red John but over time those few thoughts had always centered on Lisbon. He'd wanted some kind of life with her, originally just a deep abiding friendship, and then after their torrid night together, something that could eventually lead into something more. Marriage had been the best ending he could imagine, he just had no idea that it could lead to him losing her entirely.

He fixed himself a cup of tea in the break room, a small act that he could still enjoy no matter how chaotic his life was. That was something that hadn't changed about him since Red John or his marriage which is why his wife knew exactly where to find him.

"What did you say to the team?" Lisbon asked as soon as she walked through the door.

Jane turned around smoothly, still letting his tea seep. "I haven't said anything you would find offensive if that is what you are implying."

"Did you tell them about our divorce?"

"I didn't have to," Jane explained, "The irksome courier handed me the papers in the bullpen. That was a nice way to find out by the way."

But she didn't flinch though she did look away ever so briefly, so she did feel bad about that. "You knew they were coming."

Jane shook his head, not caring about that. "You could have handed them to me yourself."

"I was in Chicago," Lisbon replied.

"That's your excuse?"

She glanced away, embarrassed. "I didn't want to see you"

"Because you knew if you did that you wouldn't be able to give me the papers."

Lisbon snapped at him." It's the right thing for both of us"

He chuckled. "Whatever gets you through the day, dear."

She bristled at that comment, mostly because he knew she hated it when he could read her like a book. "Is that why they are acting so weird? Because I'm divorcing you? Because they sure had a lot to say when we first got married."

"Actually I think it has more to do with you disappearing without a word for six months."

Lisbon turned bright red and this time he knew it was from shame. She looked away from him again and actually started wringing her hands. "Cho could take care of them."

"I don't think they were worried about their boss," Jane pointed out, "but the friend they care about moved away and never answered their calls."

"I thought…"

"You were thinking about your own pain," Jane cut in, "Its understandable except you forgot you were hurting more than just me through this."

Now she scoffed at him. "Don't pretend that you are in pain."

He raised his eyebrows at that. "Excuse me?"

She crossed her arms. "It took you six months to contact me, I doubt it took that long for you to find me."

"No," he had to admit, "it didn't."

"So you weren't rushing to my side. You only came and got me for this case."

"That's not—."

"I don't believe you," Lisbon cut in, "and it doesn't matter. Once this case is over everything else will be too."

She turned around to leave and almost ran right into Abby who looked more than a little bewildered. Jane was a bit surprised he hadn't noticed she was there. Lisbon paused for a moment before stepping around the startled girl but not before Jane called out. "It's only over if I sign…which I won't."

"Bite me," she called over her shoulder. Not the best of comebacks by her but a classic.

He grinned and turned around to pick up his tea, which was cool enough to drink now. Abby was still standing there stunned. "She gets a little angry when she doesn't have coffee."

"She must really hate you," Abby stammered out.

Now Jane smiled broadly. "She's my wife."

"What?" The girl's blue eyes became as round as saucers. "But I thought you were…I mean I heard about your family and I…"

"My first wife and daughter died," Jane explained calmly, "I married Teresa ten months ago."

"But she's been away for six months."

"Yes she has."

Abby looked really uncomfortable now as she recognized what was going on. "Oh."

Jane studied her for a moment. She was a sweet girl; he'd liked her immediately. Yes she had a crush on him but so did most women but she was smart enough to recognize that he wasn't interested in someone so young, even if she didn't know about his marital status. "I'm surprised you didn't know about all of this, it's not a secret."

Now she blushed prettily. "I don't really listen to gossip."

He couldn't help but smile softly. "You are a sweet girl."

She blushed again; much like a schoolgirl finally talking to the boy she loved from afar. But Abby was also selfless. "I do hope you and Agent Lisbon work it out. You two should be happy and…and you must love her a lot."

"I do," he answered, "and she loves me, she just…"

Abby nodded. "I get it…a lot must have happened between you. I mean everyone talks about you and her and how you caught Red John…you have so much history together."

"We do," Jane agreed, "and our marriage wasn't based on a whim, no matter what everyone else might say. It goes deeper than that."

"I believe you," Abby replied, "And I think you'll get her to see it."

Jane grinned now. "You are also a smart girl."

He took his tea, still smiling at the young woman before leaving her alone again, his thoughts falling back onto his marriage and how complicated and right it had been from the beginning.

* * *

_ It had been a week since Jane had broken into her home in the early morning and since then they had both settled into a bizarre state of in-between. They now agreed that they were going to keep this baby but any conversation about the future was about obvious or easy choices, they didn't talk about what their future would be. The closest they got to it was when Lisbon mentioned that she would probably move out to a place that was in a better school district, Jane had agreed with her judgment but he didn't mention any plans on his part to do something similar. For all she knew he was still living in that motel._

_ Except he was spending a lot of time in her apartment now. He'd come over in the evenings and spend the night, even sleep beside her but they still hadn't had The Talk. They had kissed more than once in the past week but still she avoided trying to find out if Jane planned to actually start a real relationship with her. For now she'd decided to just be content with what she had and not ruin it by pushing Jane into something he might not want._

_ Still it was easy to get used to waking up in the morning with Jane lying beside her. She turned over to see that he was awake, his eyes focused on her and a soft smile on his lips. "You know, it's creepy watching someone while they are asleep."_

_ He grinned at her comment. "I like watching you sleep," he admitted tenderly, "You're so serene and peaceful, it's nice. You're soft, even when you snore."_

_ She looked at him outraged. "I do not snore."_

_ Jane laughed. "Yes you do, but it's very sweet and lady-like." He reached up and gently caressed her cheek with his fingertips. "I think it's cute."_

_ Lisbon was finding it hard to think or even breath with Jane touching her skin and looking at her like that. She could feel something, an electricity between them that was starting a low fire through her veins. Jane leaned closer to her, his fingers still stroking her cheek; the pad of this thumbs softly caressed her lips. They parted beneath his touch while her heart began to race._

_ It was a relief when he finally closed the distance between them and kissed her. It was a slow and languid kiss that she felt all the way down to her toes. One hand reached around his neck so she could bury her fingers into his soft curls all the while pulling him closer. He deepened the kiss as she opened to him, allowing his tongue entrance to fully cloud her mind with desire._

_ This kiss was different from all of the other times. She could feel it. It was laced with determination and there was not a hint of hesitancy in his frame. So Lisbon wasn't at all surprised when his hands began to roam over her body, his fingertips brushing against the soft skin of her thighs as he found the hem of her shirt. His fingers teased her for a moment before finally pulling the garment over her head._

_ Lisbon set to work ridding Jane of his own clothing while he began his sensual ministrations on her skin. Everything was different then it was the last time. It wasn't a desperate frenzy to get closer, now it was slow and soft and Jane was the one fully in control. His lips and hands roamed over her skin at a leisurely pace that was driving her mad even as the pleasure washed over her. When she was panting and begging him to hurry it up she just felt his smile against her flesh and he ignored her pleas._

_ Eventually after he'd pushed both of them to the brink of their endurance, he crawled on top of her and pressed his hips intimately to hers. When he finally did enter her she almost sobbed in relief, unable to contain the small cry that escaped her lips. He began a fast steady rhythm that had them both panting within minutes. She clung to him, burying her fingers into the curls at the nape of his neck while raising her hips to match his pace._

_ The pleasure mounted within her, bubbling to the surface until it finally burst. She seized up and moaned loudly, pressing closer to him as she rode out the wave of bliss. Jane thrust several more times before driving all the way in one last time and shaking with his own release._

_ They stayed that way for while, still joined together with their limbs entangled with one another, both of them breathing heavily while their hearts began to fall back to a normal rhythm. "Well," she said, unable to stop herself from grinning up at him, "we know we do that well together."_

_ He laughed softly and finally pulled out of her. But Jane didn't move all the way off of her though, he put his weight on the mattress but rested his head on her chest; his soft curls lightly tickling her skin. One hand reached over to gently caress her still flat stomach and she smiled tenderly at the top of his head, allowing herself the pleasure of running her fingers through his damp hair. She thought they would stay like this for a while, just basking in the afterglow of making love, she relished the quiet and the feeling that everything was falling into place._

_ "Marry me."_

_ She blinked twice, certain that she'd misheard him. "What?" she asked, believing that it must have been her imagination or something._

_ But Jane raised his head and looked her in the eye. "Marry me," he repeated simply._

_ Lisbon sucked in a breath and stared at him, her eyes round as she finally accepted that Jane had actually said it. Twice. A myriad of emotions ran through her. Shock, anger, fear…hope. But she quickly squashed the latter "You…you can't be serious."_

_ "I always take marriage seriously."_

_ "Jane," she told him sitting up a little. "We can't get married."_

_ "Why not?" Jane asked, his tone was light and teasing._

_ "Because this isn't the 1800's," she replied, "and we aren't sixteen. Just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean we should get married."_

_ "I know that," he told her but his eyes were still looking at her in amusement._

_ Lisbon relaxed a little now. "Good."_

_ He was still smiling at her, his gaze entirely focused. "Marry me."_

_ She groaned and rolled over so that she was facing away from him. He chuckled lightly and reached over to roll her back so he could look into her eyes. "Why don't you think we should get married?"_

_ "Because."_

_ "Because what?"_

_ "Because this is a terrible way to propose," she pointed out._

_ He waved off her comment. "You don't care for any of that flowery nonsense, what you would want is something simple and real…just like this."_

_ "God dammit, Jane don't you see how ridiculous this sounds?" She asked sitting up again. "We haven't even been in a real relationship yet."_

_ "We've known each other for nine years," Jane reminded her, "That's a lot longer than most couples."_

_ "We work together, we could get into trouble."_

_ "I'm a consultant," Jane explained, "the same rules don't necessarily apply and you know as well as I do that they'd rather change them then try to get me to work with anyone else." _

_ "I'm pregnant, people will talk and question it. They would judge us from the beginning."_

_ "So what," Jane said simply, "I don't care what people think and neither do you."_

_ "Everyone, my brothers, the team, everyone will think it is a mistake."_

_ He grinned and ran one fingertip over her delicate collarbone. "You have brought up some excellent points, my dear. But I would like to point out one thing." Jane leaned in closer so she felt his warm breath fanning her face. "You never actually said no."_

_ That's right, she hadn't. She'd given out numerous reasons for why getting married would be a mistake…but she hadn't actually refused him. "The 'no' was implied," she told him but he just grinned again, as if he didn't believe her. "So what if I didn't actually say no?"_

_ "Because," he said and leaned over to capture her lips in his for a moment, "you really want to say yes."_

_ She pulled back and looked at him as if he was crazy. "That's a bit presumptuous, even for you."_

_ His features softened and Jane cupped her face in his hand. "Stop thinking about the timing, the circumstances and what people will think. None of that matters," He looked deeply into her eyes. "Just tell me, what do you really want? What is the first answer that comes to mind when I ask you…will you marry me?"_

_ She stared into his blue-green eyes and knew the answer immediately._

_0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0_

_ Later that afternoon Lisbon was wearing her only white summer dress that she'd almost forgotten about in her closet. She held onto Jane's hand tightly as he drove them both to the airport so they could be on the first flight to Las Vegas. With the decision made Lisbon didn't feel any of the anxiety or fears that had preceded it, no, all she felt was a warm fluttering in her stomach that belied her excitement over what was actually happening._

_ Everything happened fast. If felt like one second they were buying two tickets to Vegas and the next they were on the plane as it flew over the neon colored strip. She didn't even hear what destination Jane told the cabdriver but they found themselves at one of the many casinos that had a chapel for just the purpose of eloping to the Sin City._

_ There was a receptionist with a horrible perm who outlined the different wedding "packages" that were available. They bought rings there and found a guest at the casino who agreed to stand witness along with the bored receptionist. It was there with a slightly boozy minister and wearing a simple white sundress that they both promised to love, honor and cherish each other as long as both should live, till death do they part. They slipped simple gold bands onto their fingers and kissed for the first time as husband and wife._

_ They half ran out of the chapel, spilling into the casino while laughing uncontrollably. "Oh my God," she said still giggling, "I can't believe we did this!" They laughed and kissed for a while after that, just like two fools who couldn't keep their hands off of each other. Which perhaps is what they were but neither one of them gave a damn at the moment._

_ They were married…now what? Jane was inclined to show off his superior gambling tricks but Lisbon put her foot down insisting that she didn't want them to be kicked out of another casino after all of the ones he'd been banned from over the years. "Why don't you get us a room and we can order some room service…later." Lisbon offered with a sly smile._

_ He raised his eyebrows, noting the singular pronoun. "And what will you be doing?"_

_ She gave him a gamine grin and kissed him softly. "I'll meet you here in a few minutes." Before rushing away pausing just a moment to peek behind her to see him still watching her. Lisbon disappeared into the gift shop feeling lighter than air._

_ When she came out of the gift shop she had a small bag on her arm and Jane was waiting for her at the promised spot. "What could you possibly have in there?" He asked teasingly and tried to peak into the bag but she held it away from him while steering him towards the elevator. They kissed all they way up to their floor and some down the hallway towards their room. She was pawing at him even as he fumbled to put the keycard into the slot; finally he pulled his lips away from her and grinned. "Unless you want to spend this wedding night in the hallway, you'll have to give me a second."_

_ Lisbon grinned and pulled away enough but still nibbled on his neck, "What happened to your unbreakable control?" She whispered seductively into his ear._

_ Despite her continued affections Jane did manage to unlock the door and they both stumbled into the room. Lisbon did pull away now to look around and couldn't help but exclaim. "Wow."_

_ The room was a lot nicer than the usual lodgings they used while on the job; this room had a large queen sized bed, a balcony with a beautiful view of the city and full bathroom. She shouldn't have been surprised, if the pony for her birthday had been any indication. Jane tended to go overboard during celebrations. But he didn't give her long to admire their surroundings; he turned her around and began to kiss her hungrily. For a few moments she gave in until they were both breathing heavily, then she pulled away and smiled at his pout. "Give me a moment," she told him with a hint of suggestion in her voice before snatching up the gift shop bag and disappearing into the bathroom._

_ She was in there for a few minutes, taking her time so that everything was perfect. She wasn't as nervous as she thought she would be, just a bit of anxious excitement still fluttering beneath the surface. A part of her couldn't believe that she'd actually gotten married that day…to Patrick Jane! Still when she glanced down at the small gold band on her finger she didn't feel a single bit of regret, no, she felt like she'd done something right._

_ Lisbon made her way out of the bathroom but his back was to her. That was perfect, it gave her time to try and put on something of a seductive pose. "I thought I married a man who notices things," she teased and that made him turn around to get the full view of her._

_ She was wearing a flimsy white negligee with a bit of lace, it was both sensual and innocent, a perfect combination for a wedding night. Stopping at mid thigh it showed off her toned legs and the neckline was teasingly low. From the way Jane's eyes lit up, he definitely liked what he saw._

_ He took a few steps forward, perusing the garment that was draped over her body with a methodical gaze that made her shiver with anticipation. He lightly traced his fingertips over one strap, touching her skin with a gently warm caress. "I don't know why you women buy these things," He said huskily, "They always wind up on the floor."_

_ She grinned and tilted her head so that their lips were scant centimeters apart. "Because they make us feel sexy…and wanted…and we love how they drive you men crazy."_

_ Now would have been the perfect time to lean in and kiss her, followed by a quick path over to the bed. But Jane kept himself in check, their bodies were barely touching and their lips so close but not close enough. "Not yet," he whispered._

_ She scowled at him. "Why not?"_

_ Jane chuckled and lightly kissed the tip of her nose. "So impatient, my dear. We have all night." He reminded her before taking her hand and leading her across the room._

_ There were two champagne flutes waiting filled with a golden bubbly liquid. Jane offered her one but she eyed it warily. "I shouldn't have champagne, remember I'm…"_

_ He grinned at her hesitancy, "Relax, Teresa. I didn't forget your condition."_

_ She still looked unsure but took the glass from him; she did after all want to keep some traditions alive for this marriage. She held his gaze and noticed that he had that small smile on his lips, the one that she only saw when he was completely content. "What are we toasting to?" she asked._

_ "To us…our future, our child, to everything we wanted that's finally coming to past," Jane offered._

_ Lisbon smiled, quite happy with that toast. She clinked her glass against his before taking a tentative sip. When she tasted the liquid she couldn't help but grin up at him. "Ginger ale," she said and took another sip. He had been thinking about her pregnancy just as he had said. "Well it isn't Dom Pérignon but it'll do." He smiled at her little joke but she noted that his eyes and darkened and were entirely focused on her. That flutter of excitement started up again and she quickly set the glass down._

_ He followed suit, looking her over once more with his meticulous gaze, the flimsy garment only emphasizing her attributes. "We were talking about your choice of attire," Jane noted suggestively, one fingertip tracing the bare skin of her shoulder._

_ She turned her face up towards his. "If you don't like it, I guess I could take it off."_

_ That made him grin as one hand molded itself to her waist, drawing her up against him. "I never said I didn't like it." Then he was kissing her once more, she wrapped her arms around his neck and clung to him as he lifted her up to carry her over to the bed._

_ After that it was as a wedding night should be. Skin on skin as they melded their bodies together into one. After they both descended from their summit they lay together once more in a tangle of bed covers. Lisbon had her head resting on his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heart, her left hand was by her face and she could see the gold wedding band on her finger. A small giggle escaped her lips and that caught Jane's attention. He looked down at the top of her head. "What's so funny?"_

_ She turned over onto her stomach so she was facing him. "Nothing it's just…" She laughed lightly again. "My whole life I've always done what everyone expects of me, nothing crazy, never breaking the rules." He threaded his fingers through her hair as she explained. "Now…I'm pregnant, I've eloped with you to Vegas and no one else knows about this but you. This is just so not me," she admitted and leaned forward to kiss him. "And it feels so wonderful."_

_ "Oh I don't know," Jane said kissing her softly again, "I rather like you the way you are, even as the goody-two shoes."_

_ "Good-two shoes?"_

_ He nodded pulling her up closer to him. "I do so love corrupting you."_

_ "So said Satan as he tempted Eve," Lisbon replied leaning up against him, "Well we are in Sin City… and I kind of like sinning."_

_ Jane traced the cross that hung around her neck, the only adornment she wore besides her wedding ring at the moment. "Be careful, my dear, or you might just fall from grace."_

_ "Afraid for my eternal soul?"_

_ "Always."_

_ She grinned and kissed him one more time before laying back down. He kept his fingers trailing through her hair and she enjoyed the tender feeling of his gentle touch. Lisbon couldn't help but think back to what they had just been making light of, the fact that everyone would find their actions ridiculous at best, a mistake at worst. "My brothers are going to be upset," She said simply, no teasing in her voice this time._

_ Jane sighed a little but continued combing his fingers through her hair. "They want you to be happy, they'll understand eventually."_

_ He was right; the love between her brothers and her was unconditional. They would be angry and outraged but nothing could break that bond between them. But it wasn't just their opinion that they would have to face. "We have to go back to work on Monday, we'll have to tell the team."_

_ Now Jane's hand stilled and she wondered if he was worried like she was. But then she looked up to see that he was grinning with barely controlled amusement. "What?"_

_ He shook his head and allowed himself to chuckle a little. "I was just thinking about it. Us walking in to the bullpen and telling them the news." Jane's eyes sparkled. "Hello, oh our weekend was great. We relaxed a little and then decided to elope to Vegas. How about you?" He laughed again, "Can you imagine their faces?"_

_ She wanted to be upset with him for making fun of this but she couldn't, she was too busy picturing the shocked looks on her teammates when they learned about what had just happened. Soon Lisbon was laughing along with him. "Poor Rigsby! He'll look like one of those gold fish, round eyes and mouth open, unable to know what to think."_

_ "Hey," Jane said excitedly, "we may actually get a real expression off of Cho's face." That made her laugh harder when reminded of the very stoic member of their team. "And Grace, she'll be like a lost puppy, just looking from one of us to the next trying to figure out what she missed."_

_ Lisbon giggled for a long time, picturing Jane's accurate depiction of their shell-shocked teammates. When she finally settled down she looked into Jane's eyes softly. "They'll think we're crazy."_

_ Jane reached up and cupped her face in his hand, a look of pure tenderness in his eyes. "Then I never want to be sane again." He pulled her down and kissed her softly, pouring all of his happiness into this one simple action._

_ The rest of the night was spent in a state of pure bliss. They ordered room service because neither one of them had any desire to leave the room, or the bed, for long. After a very intimate dinner of shrimp linguine and a decadent chocolate dessert they found their way back to the bed to while away the remaining hours of the night. They made love twice more before finally settling in, Lisbon fell into a sweet dreamless sleep in his arms._

_ In her husband's arms._

* * *

Lisbon stared at the one photograph of her wedding that she had. Both of them smiling like idiots under the cheesy arch with fake flowers, she hadn't looked at it with a critical eye until now. At the time she'd been thrilled with it, lovingly framing it and planning to do the same with other copies that she would add around their home and her office. Pictures of the family they were going to have, finally that perfect life.

What a joke.

Jane was only a few minutes behind her after she'd slunk out early, there was no way she was going to be able to take living with Jane again without copious amounts of alcohol. Now she had it stashed in her room and her husband was hopefully none the wiser.

She heard the door open downstairs and then his heavy footsteps coming up. Lisbon set the picture back down on the table, hoping he didn't know she'd been staring at it. "Honey, I'm home," he declared.

Of course he would say that.

Lisbon held her tongue while he set his things down as if this was a normal thing and they weren't currently estranged. "Look," she began evenly, "I was hoping we could talk like two rational adults."

"About?"

"The case…and our marriage."

He stepped forward, an amused smile on his lips but he at least was willing to try and be serious. "Very well, what about the case is bothering you?"

She stood up from the couch. "If this really is about revenge that means ultimately they are going to be coming after us."

"Undoubtedly."

"Will they try to hurt us?"

"Yes, but more likely through hurting others," Jane explained, "however, they lack the precision and finesse of Red John, their actions will be messy and riddled with errors…and will not want to stray away from their home city."

Lisbon understood the last point. "So my brothers are safe?"

"I think so, the rest of team might want to watch their backs."

"And us?"

Jane smiled now. "That's the key. We've been trying to find a connection between Kelly and Red John, perhaps we should start looking at how she could be connected to you or me."

"But we didn't know her."

"No, but I'm sure she is just the tip of the iceberg. There is a connection, we just have to find it."

Lisbon nodded, not sure how she felt about the idea that someone was targeting her again…or why Jane was so calm about it. Perhaps he was confident that they would prevail since they had conquered the master, the students couldn't be as bad. Unfortunately there were more of them.

"Okay," she said evenly, "then that is where we will look starting tomorrow."

There was a very long stretch of silence between them after that until Jane smiled knowingly at her. "You said you wanted to talk about our marriage too."

She had and Jane's prodding forced her to get to the really unpleasant part of the conversation. "I was hoping we could have a discussion like two rational adults."

Jane simply nodded. "Of course."

Lisbon sighed heavily and met his eyes. "We both know that we rushed into this marriage without thinking everything through. There are things we didn't consider about one another, clearly we have problems, major ones."

He inclined his head. "While I wouldn't say we rushed into thing, I can't disagree that we are having a few problems."

She almost rolled her eyes at that description of their relationship. "Look, the fact is that neither one of us is happy right now. While I think it was very noble of you to ask me to marry after I got pregnant, the baby is gone, our reason for marrying is ended and we can't build a marriage off of nothing."

"I don't agree with that," he stated firmly.

"Come on, Jane!"

"I didn't marry you because of the baby," Jane told her, "there is more to our relationship then the child we created."

"Yes, a lot of pain, lies, betrayal and fights," she retorted.

"And loyalty, kinship…love."

Her head snapped up and she glared at him. "Don't say love, Jane."

"Why not?"

"Because we both know that it is full of crap!"

He stared at her for a moment, slightly stunned by her comment. "You don't mean that."

She crossed her arms across her chest and gave him a hard look. "Fine, answer me this. How many times did we ever say we loved each other after our marriage?" For once, Jane was at a complete loss for words and he couldn't meet her eyes. "Exactly…we never did."

Jane straightened a little. "I told you once."

"Once," she repeated and shook her head. "Once, right before you shot me and then as soon as I asked you _lied_ and said you didn't remember. And then I spent the next year watching you pant after Lorelei Martins while I tried not to spend every night crying into my pillow."

Lisbon took a deep breath, trying to steady herself as the memories of pain caused even more of it. "We never spoke of it again…and I have no idea if you even meant it." He opened his mouth and she held up a hand to stop him. "And don't you dare say it now, I won't believe you."

"Even if it's true?" Jane asked, stepping closer to her. "You keep bringing up the flaws in our relationship but you have conveniently forgotten that we spent over three months quite happy with one another."

"We were blind."

"Or you are now."

She leveled her gaze with him. "No I see clearly just how messed up our relationship was, there was no way we were going to survive it."

"You don't know that," Jane pointed out, "You ran off to Chicago. I came home to find my wife gone! You never gave us a chance to try."

"Because I woke up one day and realized that I barely knew the man I was married to," She shouted back. "You never let me in, only letting me see what you wanted. How is that a marriage?"

"You know me," he replied, "you know me better than anyone on this earth."

"Only as much as you want," She repeated, "never more than that."

He was quiet for a moment as he considered her reasons. "Even if that is true, this can be fixed."

"Jane…"

"I'm serious, Teresa. We can't end this, not now, not after everything we've done together."

Lisbon shook her head. "Why can't you just admit that everything we did after Red John's death was a mistake?"

To her surprise Jane's head snapped up and she saw real anger boiling beneath the surface of his gaze. "How can you say that?"

"It's true."

Now he actually glared at her. "We made a child together, Teresa. Our _child_. Maybe it's gone now but it was real. We did that…and it was not a mistake."

She looked down in shame; his words making her cheeks flush from guilt. "I didn't mean that."

"Then what did you mean?" Jane asked but he didn't wait for her to answer, "Because that is the best thing we did after Red John's death. We created our child; a baby that was not a mistake and nothing that led to it was a mistake either."

He stared at her hard; his eyes pinpricks of anger. "Don't ever call it a mistake again…we both know that's a lie."

Jane walked away then with the last word, heading upstairs probably to get away from her. Lisbon was left stunned and saddened by his rebuke of her and her words. He was right, their baby was never a part of the bad decisions they had made and she regretted immediately implying otherwise.

This time, she was the one who was at fault.

* * *

A/N: Oof Lisbon left a mark there, not a good one either.

Next chapter: the case heats up and you'll find out what the team thinks of Jane and Lisbon's marriage and their possible divorce. And events lead Jane to wonder just how faithful Lisbon was while she was in Chicago...believe me you won't want to miss THAT confrontation ;)


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